Saturday, December 26, 2009

The One In Which She Adjusts Her Just A*

*alternative title = what the heck does that mean? (please click through with the linky love...otherwise you'll be as jumbled as this post)

We were watching Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium* this week for about the 10th time. It may not be the greatest movie, but it is filled with really good messages for kids and parents alike. In one part of the movie, an accountant (played by the ever-adorable Jason Bateman who-I-have-loved-since-his-wisecracker-best-friend-of-Ricky-Shroeder-role-on-Silver-Spoons) is hired by Mr. Magorium (played by Dustin Hoffman who -looked-better-as -an-aging-soap-star-tranvestite-actor-in-Tootsie-than-a-243-year-old-magical-toy-store-owner-with-wonky-eyebrows-and- for-some-reason-that-I-am-not-sure, a-dental-appliance, causing-him-to-have-a-sibilant-'s'-as-if-all-243-year-old-magical-toy-store-owners-kind-of -lisp-and-look-like- the-Mad-Hatter-from-the-Disney-animated-version-of-Alice-in-Wonderland)....

Anyway, the accountant (or counting mutant) that the toy store owner hires to determine the value of the store is, according to Molly Mahoney, (played by the equally as adorable Natalie Portman, the -young- store- manager-who-is-sort-of-stuck-in-a-rut-and-has-beenworking -at -the-magical-toy-store-since-instead-of -pursuing-her-dreams-of -penning-a-piano-opus-which-is-what-all-23-year-old-kids-have-on-their-bucket-lists, right?)..."a Just guy". When asked by him what a Just guy is , she says "A guy just like you. Same hair, same suit, same shoes, walks around, no matter what, you think it's all just a store, it's just a bench, it's just a tree. It's just what it is, nothing more!"*

And from the rest of the evening, and still until now, the whole point of the movie was lost on me (in fact, I am not sure what the point of the movie is...but there were some visually and emotionally charming moments) I started thinking about me - and whether what I am going through lately is Just A bout of 'holiday-itis' or endemic of the fact that most of my adult life ...I have been a Just A person. I have been feeling Just Eh for many months now physically and emotionally and I think it's time for a change.

I am Just A Stay at Home Mom - and, at times, I am a pretty lame one too. I know I complain about it a lot, but I am lucky to be able to be at home with my kids while they need me. But I wonder if sometimes I am Just A Faker trying to give the impression that this is enough for me. All.Day. Everyday.

I am Just An Excuse Maker. I make excuses about everything. I Justify everything. I am Just Lazy. I am Just Impatient. Impatient with my children. Impatient with Hubby. Impatient with everyone and everything.

I am Just Resigned . Resigned to the fact that this is my life. The truth is..I am Just Scared. Scared that I am an abject failure as a mother. That my girls will grow up with the same insecurities that I have. I am supposed to lead by example, right? Shouldn't there be some kind of "I Am Woman" song playing in our proverbial background? How can I teach them to 'reach for their dreams' when, in truth, I don't 'reach' for mine (and I am not sure if I even have any that don't involve winning the lottery or being chosen to be on What Not To Wear). Combine the Just Scared with a healthy dose of Just A Bit Lazy and a few ounces of Just Hormonal you have the recipe for a not so well-balanced and what some would call a rather moody (read: Just A Bitch) mommy.

So it is almost the New Year. Wee Hoo. 2009 was a comparatively unremarkable year {{wee-hoo!}} around Swirl Girl's place. I am not one who usually goes for the ol' New Years Resolution thingy...but I think this I've got to do something really proactive for myself and my family this year.

I want to take more risks. Socially. I need to put myself out there. If my kids see me doing it, maybe they would be more likely to break out of their cacoons too.

I want to really lose this tire that has formed around my middle. I am so grossed out by my naked body..I am ashamed of myself. I have arm cellulite and armpit cleavage to boot and when I see my profile and want to cry. Can you say LifeStyle Lift?

I want to do something for my head. (and if something comes for my wallet, too - that's a bonus) but for the moment...I want - no I need to do something.  Sure , I do little things in spurts. 

I want to be nicer, more tolerant, better thought of. A better friend; A better wife.

I want to maximize all of this social technology with this blog and Twitter and all the on line groups I am in and what not so that I , too, may get what others are getting. And I don't expect to make Dooce money. I just think that the power of the purchase is right inside these monitors that we gaze in for countless hours each day. I'd love to be asked to review a product or service and do give-aways. Which by the way - not only did I win the ColorInc. wrapped gallery print from Scary Mommy...I also just won an Epson 3 in 1 Printer /Fax/Scanner from Hot Dads!!.

I need to learn how to make people (read: me) happy.

In other words ....(now here comes the part where it all ties together)

I really need to Adjust my Just A-tude.

*most of this stuff came from


Keys to the Magic Travel said...

Waaaaayyyyy back when I was going through college, I worked as a nanny. And after watching the kids and the mom together in the evening...I came to the conclusion that if I was happy, my kids would be happy. Not that it happens that way all the time. Or even half of the time. But I do try to think about me :-) It does do wonders for ones attitude.

Unknown said...

Wow girl - that is one serious post with all kinds of messages big and little for a lot of us moms out here in mom land. 2010 is gonna be big. For a lot of us in big and little ways.

For me, blogging helps with some of this stuff we both's a way to connect with other moms who are willing to step out of the comfort zone and engage in a creative way. So...I know it's been tough to hook up over this break with all of the family I have in town but let's make a plan to meet for lunch or something in Jan. Shall we???

Happy New Year Swirl Girl...


AdriansCrazyLife said...

Glad you're making some great changes. I think we all need to recommit every so often.

Mr. Magorium was actually a pretty cute movie, even though I actually cried when Dustin Hoffman died in it. Isn't that silly?

JenJen said...

Swirl, I liked this post so much.
And DO NOT pass go with a real "lifestyle lift" until you speak to me.

Kevin McKeever said...

See -- good things are already happening. Assuming you can afford the printer ink.

Anonymous said...
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Danielle said...

I don't comment a lot, but I do read you every day. You are not "Just A". I do get it. I feel that way a lot.

Valerie Pilgreen said...

Stopping by from Nanny Goats in panties, I like your thinking!!!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I like that, "Adjusting your A-Tude".

Thanks for playing in the This Time I Really Mean It! campaign. I'm wishing us all the best in meeting our goals!

- Margaret

Cristin said...

Nicely done Swirl.

I nodded in agreement through most of this.

Trying to come up with meaninful comment whilst children yell and fight and make me want to stick a fork in my eye.

Here's to changes big and small in '10.

Unknown said...

Swirl Girl...I love you just the way you are! Don't change!

Anonymous said...

I hope 2010 brings you some self-clarification and that you are able to LOVE who you are and all that you represent.
Happy New Year!

Claremont First Ward said...

Wow. You scored on the bloggy prize wins. I loved reading all of things you are planning on working on for the new year. I really loved the messages here about being the best we can with the best attitude!

Susan said...

I love you just the way you are as well! We can all use a little lifestyle adjustment... I need it in every friggin' category my dear friend, so know that you are not alone!

Miranda said...

Wanted to let you know that, just like Cristin said - I nodded agreement throughout this post. I feel like that so much, I could literally (I promise I won't) copy/paste this post to my own blog.

You aren't alone, but that doesn't mean you aren't one of a kind.

Your newest follower,

Bejewell said...

You're really looking at this all wrong. See yourself for all the wonderful things about you -- and there are many, I don't have to meet you in person to know that -- and stop beating yourself up for the "Just A" parts of you, which, in my opinion, there's really no such thing anyway.

You're not Just A anything... except, maybe Just A-wesome!

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