The One About the Edit Button

Totally stole this from Em at Life, Liberty and the Pursuit. That's right ...stole it outright. Usually these kind of things are bestowed upon bloggers who somehow characterize the essential qualities of the award. But in this case - I just stole it. Maybe that is why I don't qualify for a real award. I am a 'wild card' performer...maybe my post will garner the votes of millions of adoring fans so that I may actually get to be the Next Top Model. I mean the Next American Idol. Oh hell, I just want to be a good mom. I never want my kids to say "my mom is such a bitch." or the dreaded 'H' word...EVER.

Here are the details of the award, and how it works:

1. Admit ONE thing you feel awful about involving being a mom. Get it off your shoulders. Once you've written it down, you are NO LONGER allowed to feel bad. It's over with, it's in the past. Remember, you're a great mom

"Ready, Shoot, Aim". That is my problem and has always been. I say things. Mean things. And, I can't take them back. I swear at my children. Not that there is anything inherently wrong with having a potty mouth - because words are just words. And, 'sticks and stones can blah, blah, blah' - but sometimes I throw some pretty hefty sticks and stones at my kids. I really need an edit button. I don't want my girls to have deflated self confidence. Sometimes I hurl completely awful boulders and spears at my kids. Then I feel horribly guitly afterwards.

I also don't like most other kids (or adults) for that matter. So because of my intolerance for others, they don't have a lot of playdates or much of a social life. It has nothing to do with their busy 'extra-curricular' lives, really...which they do have. It's because of my anti-social behavior and, to an extent, my unwillingness to change that.

2. To remind yourself that you ARE a good mom, list SEVEN things you love about your kids, you love doing with your kids, or that your kids love about you. These are the things to remind yourself of EVERY DAY that you rock!

-Everyone tells me what special kids I have. Teachers, relatives, friends, clergy. They are both amazingly creative, bright, well mannered, kind, sensitive, loving, funny . I take 50% if the credit ... even though sometimes I am the only one who doesn't see it. {{sigh}}

- I love to listen to my girls play together. Their giggles and imaginations just floor me sometimes. The other day they were in the tub together (truly the greatest way to bathe) and playing with the rubber ducky, naked barbies and other toys and I hear "Be Quiet Bitch!" I go running in and say , in a completely-not-so-shocked-cuz-they-heard-the-word-from-dear-old-mom kind of way "What did you just say?" to the 9 year old. She answers (with naked Ken who is being the king of the ocean in hand) "I said -Be quiet FISH"....because Ariel and Flounder were talking trash about my crown and trident." {mom skulks away snickering for assuming the worst}

- I love that they are good sleepers and always have been. Since about 3 weeks old ...they sleep through the night. (don't be jealous - much) If they don't get at least 12-13 hours of sleep a day, they are a mess. Yay for me!!!

- I love that they love to be with one another. They are truly best friends. My sisterbestfriend and I weren't always that way. I love that my girls are from the start.

- I love that each one of them has their own individual special talent. The 9 year old has could be the next JK Rowling. I'm telling you this kid has a pentiant for writing . She has won awards and national contests. She writes songs, poems, stories - what a gift! I never discourage this behavoir or hobby. In fact, I wish she would write things down more, and actually finish a few of these stories. (of course, instead of saying that in a nice and encouraging way- I snarkily roll my eyes and say it. See? No edit button)

The 5 year old, on the other hand, is an amazing artist. Her fine motor skills are so amazing for her age. The child will pose a still life on the table and have at it. Clearly she did not get that from me. She is a lefty...and I googled that and found that many of the world's great and famous were lefties. And, my mom and MIL are too. (of course, instead of saving everything...I make some snarky fricking comment about we should sort though the paper for recycling and rotate the fridge-worthy pictures so as to keep it fresh )

- I love that my girls have a ravenous appetite for learning. And although they watch a good amount of mind-numbing blather ...they would rather learn new things than catch up on the latest mediocrity on TV.

-I love that I have girls. I have a 48 year old penis that I am not sure what to do with...what the fuck would I do with a baby boys'? One of them is totally girly-girl and the other one is more hip and funky. I totally let them pick out their own clothes...within reason of course. I figure there will be bigger battles to fight than whether they are wearing matching colors.

- I love my girls and don't want them to grow up to be just like me. I want them to learn that using the edit button is a good thing. I just wish I could make mine bigger and easier to find.