Monday, October 19, 2009

The One In Which She is The Scariest Mommy

***10/22/09 A hat trick (that's hockey lingo meaning 3 of something for some reason that is beyond me. In any case, Hubby would be proud) Who woulda thought I could write one post and have it apply to so many topics! This latest edit has been brought to you by Mama Kat, of Mama's Losin It and her weekly writers workshop. This week, we were prompted to write about Motherhood. Read on.....



**edited 10/21/09 So I am doing double duty with this post- Angie of Seven Clown Circus asked us to write about Motherhood. This post is applicable ...





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So Jill over at Scary Mommy is having this little contest...to find out just who is the Scariest Mommy of them all. I can say with all honesty that I have this one in the bag. I am proud to be a card carrying Scary Mommy and will wear that badge with honor.





What makes me scary?? If you've been here before - you probably know already. It's not that I laugh at my kids when they get hurt or fall down (which I do sometimes). It's not that I didn't breast feed because of purely selfish reasons even though it may have been the best thing for my children (yup, I sucked..but they didn't). It's not that I have used television as a babysitter for many years and still allow those airwaves to suck the brain cells from my kids one by one (if you haven't done this - you lie). It's not that when I get a call from the school nurse that one of my children isn't feeling well and threw up, the first question I ask is "Is it chunks or what??" (cuz if it's not chunks, they're fine and should stay at school). And, it's not the yelling ...(oh the yelling) While all of these these may make me a crappy mom - they don't qualify me as a Scary Mommy.



What makes me a Scary Mommy is what makes me scared. I spent the better part of my life hiding in my cacoon; afraid to approach and putting up a wall (couched in humorous observation...hhhmmmm) in order not to be approached. What scares me is that my two daughters will have to go through the same self-consciousness, and self-doubt that I experience even to this day. What scares me is that my girls will wait for happiness instead of being happy. What scares me is that they may allow their fears to color the fabric of their being instead of whipping out the crayola and going full-on into the wash.

I just spent a fabulous weekend with a group of FABULOUS strong , smart, wonderul people {air kisses you all!} who don't know the Scary me. I spent the weekend getting to know the FABULOUS strong, wonderful, smart wonderul women and listening to their stories and for a short time (okay, about 3 days) felt very validated. I learned to always be true to myself - to stay authentic. What scares me is that my children will wait until they are 45+ years old to learn that lesson. What scares me is that my gorgeous daughters have the propensity, at this point in their lives , to swing either way on that pendulum...and what scares me is that I doubt my ability to effect it's momentum.

What scares me is that they will be exactly like me. If that doesn't scare the bejeezus out of you...you're not a Scary mommy, and I am jealous.

25 comments:

Lula! said...

My new favorite post from you.

And now that I've actually had my hands on you (woooo, that sounds sexy!), I can confirm to all who read your blog...
Swirl Girl is the real deal!

And you might be a scary mommy, but you're also a FABULOUS mommy, too. And a fabulous woman. I'm so glad we finally had the chance to meet in person!

p.s. I want everyone to know that I ran...RAN, I tell you...the second I saw Swirl Girl coming my way. Yes, I did. And it wasn't the least bit scary!!!!!

JenJen said...

Swirly
I have so totally used the TV so I could blog.
Wha? Oh, I mean l-a-u-n-d-r-y.
riiiiight.

You're great. I'm scary too.

Scary Mommy said...

My first instinct when my kids fall is always to laugh, too. It's horrible but I just can't help it!

And, I am sooooo bummed that I didn't get to meet you last weekend. Someday!

Always Home and Uncool said...

I don't know. You need to meet my mom.

Andrea said...

I love this POST! I am scared in the exact same way! I thin a lot of moms have these same scary feelings (at least I do) That somehow we will screw up our children...and it's scary! My favorite part of this post is

"What scares me is that they may allow their fears to color the fabric of their being instead of whipping out the crayola and going full-on into the wash."

I may post this on my site and quote you!

I feel better after reading this:)
Andrea Fellman
SavvySassyMoms

blueviolet said...

I have that nervous laughter when someone gets hurt too. You sound real and I love it.

Justine said...

Do you find that they are following in your footsteps, being introverted and such? Do you try to push them to be just the opposite?

Justine :o )

Susan said...

This couldn't be better written. You win. Hands down.

And I don't think you're the closest to SCAREY.

Fannie said...

Don't we all fear our children will pick our WORST traits rather than our best? I do!

The Blonde Duck said...

I don't think you're too terrifying. God knows what scary things I'll do to my children--the amount of pink and twirling in their lives may be too much to bear!

angie said...

Hands down amazing.

Definitely a favorite post. Definitely.

Cristin said...

I do believe you are one of the scariest out there... but also that you are a lot like me.

I shudder to think about my kids ending up like me.... I'm glad I am not anything like MY mother... the SCARIEST of them all... and not in a good way...

I think we're good Swirl.

Anonymous said...

Isn't it true that we laugh at our kids falling down so they look at you, and they laugh too? Kids look at your reaction before reacting themselves.
You may bet scary, but mostly, you are human!

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

Great post. I hear you. I try to tell myself I'm not shy and in some situations I'm not, but I definitely found myself hanging back a bit at SITScation and I'm sorry I did. I missed out on some great conversations I could have had getting to know some great women! Next time hopefully I'll do better and get out there on the dance floor and just go for it.

Amber Page Writes said...

I think we all worry about that - I know I do. Great post!

Yaya said...

Yes, why do females have to battle with self-doubt so much?

Carrie said...

I love this Swirl Girl! I love that I am not the only one that feels this way a good portion of the time. I too am still recovering from a self-conscience and, oftentimes, insecure youth. The thing I think is so amazing is that no one would guess you have this soft interior from casual encounters with you. Love the transparency and authenticity.

Bejewell said...

Posts like this make me brethe a sigh of relief to have a boy. I'm sure I'll still screw him up in lots of ways, but with a girl, the chances of future therapy bills would have doubled. (Hers, not mine.) (Well, okay, mine too.)

As far as I'm concerned you've got this one in the bag.

Mike said...

What's scary is thinking about it. Probably would be safer to not. But then again, I'm a guy. What do we know....

Trooper Thorn said...

I thought my ex-wife was pretty scary when she filed a restraining order against me without even her lawyer's knowledge.

Anonymous said...

I liked your blog about scary moms. I think all moms are scared, and it is luck and hard work that helps the kids turn out okay. I just mailed you out a surprise. Let me know when you get it if you like it. Fancy Nancy Hope so!

The Blonde Duck said...

What time should I come over?

The Blonde Duck said...

To eat the candy corn, I mean. :)

Mz. Spider said...

Holy freakin' cow! I, honest to God, have panick attacks about this very thing...EXACTLY. You don't have this one completely in the bag. I just might have you beat. I'm scared of everything; it's totally ridiculous & draining. It's a bad feeling to believe/KNOW that, against all your most wonderful intentions, you are going to be the one to corrupt & ultimately ruin your children. Typically, we do what we have seen & know. This is what I think every day. I always try to come up with a game plan on how to change myself for the better so that I don't royally F up my 2 beautiful girls. (They're 4 & 5; they still have a chance!) This is an ongoing learning process. I'm getting there.

It is insanely hard to be a "good mommy" when all your thoughts & perceptions of yourself tell you, "you're worthless/they're doomed to follow in your footsteps/how do you expect to raise smart, confident, self loving young ladies when you only show them how to hate & doubt everything that is in you?" Mellow dramatic, I know, but this is what I hear...all day, everyday. Man! I can't wait for my psych evaluation tomorrow morning. Bring on the meds! Woohoo!!!

Hmm, TMI. I think I should stop now. Great, honest post.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

First of all, you are so not scary. Nope not buyin' it. I saw you in Vegas. I met you. You did not scare me.

Second of all, we are our own worst critic. I bet your kids will make the right turns. It might take a couple of red lights, but then they'll be on their way, just you wait and see!

- Margaret