Sunday, March 29, 2009

The One In Which It Sounds Like a Plan...

The little one has been asking some question lately...No - not the the average questions that most 5 year olds ask their moms like :

Mom, how come I have to eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day?
(doesn't your 5 year old ask you questions like that?)


My little one asks me deep and profound questions. Querries that spark philosophical debate and some that defy explanation. And I try to answer them in a way she'd understand, careful not to "lie" (overtly anyway, and notice the word lie is in bloggy air quotes) and I try to craft my words the right way as she is sure to repeat them sometime in the future (and hopefully not in an inopportune place either) like telling the cute guy at Starbuck's that coffee makes her mom farty. And not in the diversionary way some people do either: When you ask them "What time is it?" They build you a watch.

Here's a few doozie exchanges that occurred this weekend:

Rachel: Mom, what does 'get arrested' mean?
Me: Where did you hear that expression?
Rachel: Ella Enchanted (a disney movie starring Anne Hathaway)
Me: Well, when you're a bad guy and you get caught doing that bad thing by the police, it's called getting arrested.
Rachel: Do the bad guys go to jail for ever and ever?
Me: Depends on how bad the bad thing that they did was.
Rachel: Well, when I get arrested, I'll make sure the bad thing was only medium bad.
Me: Sounds like a plan, dolly.

***

Rachel: Mom, how do you get up to heaven? **
Me: When you die, your body doesn't go to heaven...but your mind, and thoughts, and spirit and heart and feelings go to heaven.
Rachel: What happens to your body?
Me: Well, say like when you eat an apple, and if you don't throw it in the trash, it sort of gets all brown and shrivelly and rotten? That's what happens to your body.
Rachel: Eeewww. So your heart goes up to heaven?
Me: Well, not really your actual heart...but the love it has in it.
Rachel: {thinking a bit} Phew, I don't want my love to get all shrively and rotten!
Me: Sounds like a plan , Dolly.

**She clearly wasn't asking what do you have to DO to get into heaven. Some kids don't get death and dying, but she does. Plus, in Judaism - everyone goes to heaven . There is no alternative place to go. So being a good person or a bad person isn't relevant. For us, heaven is where you go after you retire from God's waiting room, otherwise known as Florida.

********
In discussing the whole Passover holiday (think: Charlton Heston in The Ten Commmandments)...which she is learning in pre-K

Rachel: Pharoah and Fair start with the same letter but are opposites!

After a king sized breakfast of Captain Crunch encrusted french toast ....(thanks Dad)

Rachel: Mom, do you know what smells can do? Smells can s-l-i-t-h-e-r (said very deliberately slowly ) under the crack under your door and through the slits in your eyes and wake you up wanting syrup!

****


Rachel: Mom, do I bet you wish you were a kid.
Me: Nope, 'cuz if I was, I wouldn't have you or Sissy .
Rachel: And you wouldn't yell, or wipe boogers or bummies .
Me: That 'bout sums it up for me, Dolly .


This was all part of the plan.


31 comments:

Kat said...

I think that Rachel and Madalyn need to meet. And swap questions of the profound nature.

for a different kind of girl said...

It sounds like she has life pretty well figured out in her five short years. We should all be so smart!

Justine/Justiney/Tiney said...

Yep, these are some profound questions, and I think you've answered them really well. The apple shriveling reference was a little gross though! LOL

Justine :o )

The Rambler said...

chuckle...

Loved this.

Thanks so much for visiting me on my SITS day....making the rounds. Wish me luck.

xoxo-The Rambler @ My Rambling Thoughts.

The Blonde Duck said...

LOL! That's so funny.

Soxy Deb said...

Those are definitely not typical questions. I was expecting the usual "mom where do babies come from?"
Her's are way harder than that...

Lula! said...

She is BRILLIANT. Hello...spelling out "slither?" And smells that slither? Maybe she'll be the next Stephen King...except, you know, a female version.

(Ha--"God's waiting room"--I've never heard Florida called that. Love it!)

NJDecorator said...

I would love to hear her four questions at the Seder table!

Susan said...

Wow. You are a GREAT mom. I usually have to respond "Let's just Google that tomorrow." And by the time tomorrow comes, they've forgotten! Yep. Real mom here. My kids are going to be brilliant.

Mama Dawg said...

So is it odd that your 5 year old asks those questions? Cause mine asked me stuff like that all the time and w/out having any other kids, I had nothing to compare it to. Hmmm......

Alecia said...

I just came over from Mama's losin' it - and you should know that your comment about mom's prefer the alchohol highway to the drug train had me spraying my morning coffee through my nostrils. Hats off, my friend! Hats off.

Yet said...

hahahaha. I just came from SITS and they're right. You're blog is hilarious!! Rachael is my hero!

The Nice One said...

WOW...what a smart little cookie ;)

steenky bee said...

Hell, I'm 35 and I still don't know how to get all my servings of fruits and vegetables in. No, wait, I'm 36. Damn it.

Sass said...

I love conversations with kids.

Usually my own, as well as other people's. hee hee.

Cristin said...

Will you adopt me and raise me to be a nice Jewish girl Please???

M said...

Oh how I love what comes out of kid's mouths, lol!!

She sounds like such a cutie :)

Heather said...

Those conversations are priceless! I love hearing what kids come up with.

Bottles Barbies And Boys said...

My middle one is a philosopher also! She NEVER stops, and my simple answers, just bring on more & more questions.

sassy stephanie said...

How funny. Quite entertaining! Love the 'medium bad'. Yikes!

Eudae-Mamia said...

"Smells can s-l-i-t-h-e-r under the crack under your door and through the slits in your eyes and wake you up wanting syrup!"

I'm so using that in my book. Don't worry I'll give Rachel credit :-)

Brilliant child!

Mama Kat said...

I didn't know everyone went to heaven in Judaism...that sounds nice...I'll take that.

I love her questions...Laina asks me impossible questions too. But they're not deep or profound...just impossible. Like "mom da policeman gets me are you gonna miss me?"

Ummmmmm....is that a trick question Laina?

MuseSwings said...

Stopped in from SITS to say hi! I love having profound discussions with children!

Yaya said...

That is hilarious! My favs are the shriveled heart and the medium bad! Love it!

DysFUNctional Mom said...

This is so funny! I love her thinking. She sounds highly entertaining!

The Blonde Duck said...

Every time I read this, I giggle.

Misty Rice-Baniewicz said...

Hey what a fun blog....

Just stopping by to meet a new face and to thank you for leaving a comment on my guest post about hand me downs.

I will be posting winners tomorrow. I know I am SO behind. Better late than never.

Anyways, wanted to say hello and hope to see you stop by again from time to time.

Trooper Thorn said...

I like Dolly's description of smells. Has she been reading Leonard Cohen?

Thank's for your comment on my blog. I think the guy would've been better off if he focussed on the other 'R': Reduce.

angie said...

This is my favorite:

"Mom, do you know what smells can do? Smells can s-l-i-t-h-e-r (said very deliberately slowly ) under the crack under your door and through the slits in your eyes and wake you up wanting syrup!"

Smart cookie you have there! :)

Lula! said...

I miss you. Just so you know.

nikkicrumpet said...

I love your kid....she's a hoot. Although I am FREAKING OUT about slithering smells going in my eyes!!! YIKES!!!!!!