Dear Sir or Madame;
I purchased a '3 for 1' special of your Extreme Sports SPF 30 in stainless steel looking manly can (that should have been my clue right there) at my Costco recently for the exceedingly low price of only $8.00. In the summer, we go through sunscreen at the rate of about 1 container a week, so when I saw this deal (just a tad more than a gallon of gas) I scooped it up.
According to directions, when used correctly and reapplied liberally after swimming - the stuff should manage to stave off the usual burn and peel on my children. Sadly, though- it also managed to eat away at my nailpolish and melt my very expensive acrylic nails! It wouldn't wash off with hot water and soap. I tried Dawn with Oxy power and steel wool. Nothing worked. I even resorted to GooGone - the miracle cleaner that removes adhesive, crayon, and all kinds of crap from your stuff. All it did was lift the ink off the bottle of solvent and chew through a perfectly good scrubber sponge. If I check closely, I don't think I have any fingerprints left on either hand.
The manly stainless steel can contained no warning that it may not be suitable for the non-sweaty beasts it was obviously intended to protect against the ravages of the sun...but I am fairly certain the product also bore a hole in my very sturdy canvas beach bag, and possibly could explain the missing pool toys in said canvas bag. A neighbors dog went missing and my pet goldfish is hiding under the rocks in her bowl. Something wicked this way comes. (cue music)
Just what of fissionable materials you are using in that stuff anyway?
I am enclosing the unused portion of my 3 can deal as well as 4 acrylic nail tips, one burned beach towel, a paperless bottle of GooGone, the remainder of my scrubber sponge and a used HAZMAT suit for your inspection. Please remit refund ($8) plus the cost of a full set with french tips ($30+$6). I'll forgive the sponge and what not. With any luck, I should get the feeling back in my hands without suffering permanant nerve damage.
Oh- by the way - It did manage to keep the sunburn off the girls- although I swore I had two of them when we went to the pool earlier today... Anywho the little one is now buff, can suddenly bench press a small farm animal and enjoys the rodeo and monster truck rallies. But- she has no skin damage from too much sun.