My screen door slammed open this morning and my little neighbor bounded in for an impromptu playdate. You see, the neighbors lived here 3 years ago, and moved (the dad's job) and now they are back! For a myriad of reasons that I choose not to go into, they are back. Suffice it to say, that I look forward to them settling in and starting up the Friday afternoon (or any day that ends in 'y') Happy Hour out front watching the kids run around being kids. I look forward to having car pool to school again. I am glad my girls have some more playmates in the cul de sac.
I realize, as I sit here listening to them play upstairs...that I am so blessed. I have moved twice for my husband's career - and lost my own in the move. But I never lost me. My friend moved for her husband and it took three years of shit happening - lots of shit -but I think she has lost herself in the process. Their circumstances have changed drastically - and my friend is now 100% dependent on her husband - both financially and emotionally. And emotional dependence is worse. Control is his thing. Subtle. Passive Aggressive. Control. And in the process of all this ...their marriage is dangling from a thread, and my friend's sense of self is teetering from a precipice, she is in constant fear that the last bit of her world is going to come crashing down on her.
And, then I complain because of wet towels on the bed, or the way Hubby brushes his teeth, or how we are going to afford this, that and the other thing. I feel guilty that I am too hard on my precious eldest and I yell at her too much. I expect perfection in the kids and Hubby, and don't
practice it myself. I am quick to criticize, and yes - sometimes I judge. I am sad (read: depressed) about some things for what seems an inordinate amount of time. I dread some situations when no dread is necessary. I know there are things I should do, but can't seem to get off my lazy ass to do them. I am at once selfish and giving of my time and energy. All of those qualities- good and bad are just my sense of self coming out say 'hello!'. I have a tremendous sense of loyalty. I am a good listener and sometimes offer sage advice (whether I am asked or not). I have a ton of logic and reasoning and common sense - thanks to my parents for bestowing that gift in me! I have little tolerance for neediness and self pity wallowers. Maybe I am like this because I am not as empathetic as I would like to think I am. Sympathetic yes...but can I really walk a mile in someone else's shoes? Worse than that - would I really want to?
I am blessed because I realize that most of things I worry about and complain about are trite and stupid. I read these blogs every day for what seems like hours - and maybe I weigh my shit-meter against the shit- meters of others...but mine is so much lighter. My shit stinks, too. But I am never stuck in that much of a rut that the shit-meter runneth over. Like my friend's is likely to do. And, when it does...I hope to be there to help her clean up the mess.
As I get older, I start to believe in fate more and more. Magical, mystical or spiritual - things happen for a reason...turn, turn, turn.
18 comments:
That's deep. Word to ya motha ;-)
Robin took my word straight from my mouth..."deep."
Actually, my comment was originally going to read: "Wow, Debbie...that's WAY deep...I need to swim in it some more."
So there you have it. This might be my favorite from you thus far...
Put your thinkin' cap on! You've been tagged! Go read my blog.
I think I am like that too. I tend to be cynical. But I don't have a lot of worries. I am an ardent believer in getting up and dusting yourself off and moving on. I have issues with people who wallow.
I just wrote almost the same thing... FATE! Thats what it's about. THINGS DO HAPPEN FOR A REASON
There is a season turn, turn, turn. Sounds like you are putting things in perspective. I think we all go through times like this well at least I do. Know that you are not alone and for everything there is a season.
Wow, I love this post and I LOVE that quote on your header.
I found you on SITS and I will be back!
That's good SG. Sounds like your neighbor friend will need you at some point. Yet another chance to extend empathy to her and walk in her shoes. That would probably mean the world to her. Great post!
just turned 40 and am only starting to feel the same about worrying too much over things I shouldn't... where do these expectations come from, are they coded into our DNA?
Nice post ;)
I can't stress enough how much I'm grateful that I'm single.
Despite not having enough money or an extra pair of hands, I know that I can and will do this all on my own without any dependency on a partner.
Having said that, I haven't quite reached the place where I WANT someone in my life. It's been 7 years, but I'm still not in that place.
Very, very deep, but a great post.
I think you're neighbor and I would have lots to talk about....I'm glad she's back though.
Yes, many of us are lucky and more fortunate than we realize. I try to remember this but I'm only human and sometimes the trivial things in life make me forget. Thanks for the reminder to appreciate what I have and who I am.
Very well said my swirly friend. Half the battle is understanding yourself...seems that you know who you are and what's what in your world. Bravo!!!
Great post! You are so right it is tough to lose yourself! I have done that in the past, too, and am so lucky now. Gotta know who you are and what you are! fun to watch the kids play, though.
One pearl of wisdom I got from my parents (who, because they read my blog and NOT yours, I can say didn't give me much else) was to never count on anyone but me, myself and I. I h.a.t.e asking for help. Everyone that knows me understands the pinch I am in if I actually come to them for something.
I waste time in the small stuff but at the same time blow it off. Don't know if that is actually possible. Why do I get so upset over things my kids do, forgetting that they are just kids? I yell too much too. I don't want my kids growing up remembering that.
I long for the days of stressing over who was on my kick ball team. Being a grown up truly sucks, doesn't it?
Love this...
Love you....
So true...and the older you get the more you realize that you steer your own destiny and get to decide where it takes you.
Not a big fan of the 'victim' who lets life happen to them instead of making life happen for themselves.
Excellent post, and I'm gonna be the fourth or fifth person to say "deep"...
I sent up a prayer that your neighbor will come to her senses and get the hell out of the situation. ('Scuse me for saying hell in the prayer, God.) I have fond memories of jumping up on a coffee table to get face to face with my wanna-be control FREAK of a (then) husband, in essence telling him that I would not be a puppet. Hope your neighbor wakes up with a solution to her present situation.
Excellent post!
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