Thursday, April 10, 2008

Let's Get Stupid!

Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.” My personal opinion is that a true friend is someone with whom you can totally be yourself around. Someone who will be there for you - no questions asked. Someone who will be there for you when there are questions to ask, and ask them. Someone who will answer when the are questions asked. Not someone who expects reciprocity, but one who earns it.

I think we all have more friendly acquaintances than anything else. I have very few 'friends' and am okay with that. I consider myself a low maintanance friend. I don't need much, don't ask for much save the occasional get together. I have always been the 'funny' one, the one who 'still parties' after all these years - and yes , I am all those things. I am loyal and true. I have no patience or tolerance for weakness, snivelling and neediness. But, I have the 'tell it like it is' gene. As I always say - with might not always be pretty, but it will always be real. I tend to take the sometimes wrongful stance of "Ready, shoot , aim!" then ask for forgiveness when sometimes I should have asked for persmission. Gotta work on that.

Why I bring this up is for two reasons....

1) April 10th marked 90 days (or 3 months, or 1/2 a school year, or 1/4 a calendar year ) that my dad died. The sting is not as sharp these days, but it is there nonetheless.

I remember my Dad telling me, on the occasion of his 40th birthday, that if you can count your true friends on the fingers of one hand (see above for definition of true friend) that you a lucky person indeed.


2) As I passed the mark of my own 40th (c'mon now, not too far passed the mark), and having given so many up so many of my own organs of late, I am starting to take stock of my precious fingers (and toes, and knees, and spleen, and earlobes) with more tolerance and hopefully less cynicism than ever before.

In the past several few months Hubby and I have had friends: battling their own personal demons, health issues, ailing parents, ailing children, flailing marriages, failed marriages. I have become aware of my own mortality and fragility...acutely aware, in fact. And, whereas in the past, I would fluff these types of things off or attribute these 'behaviors' to weakness - or bad decisions...I am hoping now that my personal epiphany has made me a 'kinder, gentler' cynic.

Maybe now my usually 1/2 empty glass view of the world is not just 1/2 empty, but 1/2 of it has been consumed and the rest is there to swirl and savor. To be enjoyed with one of my friends!

I hope that somebody out there counts me as a finger (probably the middle one, heh-heh).

To quote a famous movie line "Mama always said, Stupid is as stupid does." I hope someone wants to get stupid with me.


Tara said...

Well said. I always thought you should be a writer - possibly even a lyricist (sp?). I had similar thoughts when I was supine or in fetal position after project brain probe. I consider myself to have a gazillion friends, when in truth as you said, most are acquaintances. Honestly, I didn’t have many visitors, other than family, when I was recouping. Not so sure I could have taken the length of time sitting up or entertaining any friends who did drop in to see if I had brain matter or spinal fluid pouring out. I did discover that life gets in the way far too often – I am completely guilty of not recognizing the 90 days after Mr. Keller passed, let alone the 30, from what I thought was a symbolic religious event and I am soooo sorry. I have missed far too many birthdays, anniversaries, moments my friends would want to be recognized. I need to work on that! Since I have yet to have my epiphany maybe that is part of life’s lesson that I was supposed to be handed….

Anonymous said...

Sooo sweet! I have case of the snifflew now ;)
I think I'll borrow that mantra and recite to my kids ... they'd love that!
Congratz on being today's SITs!

Anonymous said...

Oh ... somehow I left this comment on the WRONG post...well, it was meant for the Puppy Love post ... but still congratz!