Tuesday, February 19, 2008


Dumb Ass Cancer:

Well. tomorrow (the 20th ) is the day I go to surgery yet again...Truth be known, I am more afraid of that, than the next few months of ensuing issues. They will go in through the same opening as last time. Take the rest of the thing out. Send it to a lab...and see what is what.

rocky horror picture show fans only:
Come up to the lab. See what's on the slab...I see you shiver with anticip (say it)pation!

Sorry about that. Anyway. Pre-op blood drawn and hospital pre-re-registration occurred yesterday. I got the new 'hi I'm Barbie' assessment nurse who wanted me to come in for a pregnancy test and chest Xray....

actual conversation
barbie: You need to come in for a urine pregnancy test.
me" ? wha' the fuh?'
barbie: the doctor just wants to make sure there is no chance you are pregnant."
me: ...aaah, there is no chance.
barbie: well, we need your urine to be sure.
me: You already have my uterus. How much surer do you need to be?

If I had some kind of serious, awful, body disfiguring (more than just a neck) problem like lung cancer (she brought it on herself) or colon cancer (she's so young!) , I think I would be more of the wallowing in self-pity kinda person. The horrific kind where they take out MAAJOR organs.

If I had a feminine cancer, like breast or uterine, or cervical - that's a more 'treat her with kit-gloves' kind of cancer.

But this is friggin' thyroid cancer. A Dumb Ass Cancer - or D.A.C (thanks for that one Cheryl!)

If you asked several people if they know where the thryoid gland is and what it actually does in the body...you'd get a variety of answers.

"is that something spleen related?"
" isn't that what sweet breads are?"
" didn't I see an episode of Top Chef where they made some with thymus gland?"
"something metabolism related, but not exactly sure"

D.A.C. = dumb ass cancer.

I am afraid - dammit. I am also reminded of the scene in Sex in the City - where Carrie is talking with the hot one (whose name completely escapes me right now....dumb ass). Hot one is telling Carrie about her fears about breast cancer. Carrie keeps saying 'everything is going to be fine'. Hot one says - if I can't talk about the things that scare me, you're not being my friend.

Too bad she didn't have a blog.

Truth is everything will be fine (rational, intellectual self), but then again it may not be (fearful, irrational, 8 year old self). And, to my daugher Emily (and to some extent myself). Cancer means losing your hair, losing your lunch, sleeping alot, and dying. I know, Know, Know
that is not the case here...but you try to rationalize with a 43 year old whose got an 8 year old's trachea.

So- we'll let you know. Wish us luck. Send good waves,
Magical , Mystical, or Spiritual - I can use it all.

love to all, Wendy


Anonymous said...

the hot one in SITC - it's Samantha.

but more appropriate right now would be calamity jane's line in my personal all time favorite HBO series, 'Deadwood'...."every day takes figurin' out all over again how to fuckin' live." the 19th century version of "one day at a time". an all purpose term i've come to find that not only applies to those struggling with addiction, but also to those struggling with ANYTHING. keep it in the day.....sometimes that's all you can do.

Tara said...

I am sending you all the positive thoughts i can muster and then some (somehow that just reminded me of that place in hollywod where we would always put ourselves into a sushi coma). i will try and call the house tonight - dont feel obligated to answer, just want to send you a personal give 'em hell, girl message.
love you all! tara

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