The One In Which She Shares What She Has Learned

I have learned that a week of rain in Southern California means the following:

• Never buy an umbrella from the $.99 Store.  There is a reason they are selling them for under a dollar. As soon as I opened the thing, it imploded on me.  Mary Poppins, I am not.
• My hair looks like crap all bouffy and curly.  Even though people say how great it looks - I have learned that they are just saying that because they were taught an an early age that if they didn't have anything nice to say, lie like a son-of-a-bitch.
• People who drive like asshats when the sun is shining, which is most of the time around here, are even more asshatt-ier when it's pouring out.  Slow the hell down, whizzy whizbanger - and, no... not that's not a right turn...that's a frickin' stone wall.
• Our kitchen ceiling is indeed not a ceiling - but a floor.  We have learned that what we thought was a leak in the upstairs shower is actually a leak in an eave roofline outside.  Let's see if State Farm is indeed a 'good neighbor' and 'there'...
• I have learned that although I still loathe (up)Chuckee Cheese..they have wine, albeit bad wine, but wine nonetheless.  It does make that booger factory a bit more tolerable. I met a couple of other Mom's there this week to let the kids burn off some energy.  Full body douche for each child when we got home.  Funny thing is, they somehow make good pizza.  And I think their salad bar has become the final resting place for cottage cheese and 'jello salad' and those little crispy chinese noodle things.
• Fabreeze Fabric Spray works.  My poor kid hurled all over her carpet last night.  Twice. She got the crud.  The hard part will be keeping it to herself.  Hello quarantine and Purell.

I have learned from attempt to go from Flabulous to Fabulous

• I wish I had a penis so I could pee standing up.  Like seriously, at this moment that is the only thing I could think of doing with it if I had one.  My legs and ass muscles hurt so much the squat is ridiculously painful. 
• People say there will come a time when I will look forward to going to the gym.  To feel  the 'burn'.  Nnnnope.  Don't see that happening.  Working out will always be a chore for me.  I hope 'People' prove me wrong.
• Oatmeal with raisins is mighty tasty in the morning.  I am not a breakfast eater.  I have survived on coffee in the morning for many years.  I literally have to force myself to eat breakfast.  Oatmeal is easy and satisfying.  If I keep saying that over and over again, I will start to believe it.

I have also learned that Twitter seems to have killed the Bloggio-Star.

• I think Twitter is totally fun, but I miss reading up on the lives of my Bloggy friends.  I admit to having what I consider not so interesting things to talk about lately....so sue me.  And some of my Bloggy friends who used to post every day are slowly getting sucked into the vortex and a few (dare I say?) have disappeared altogether.
• I have fallen victim to the 'instant gratification' syndrome that Twitter and Facebook seem to have spread throughout these Interwebs.  We get out lives in short spurts these days.  You'd think if societally we were so interested in headlines. America's newspapers wouldn't be going out of business.
• I think I have figured out the whole follow me/ follow you thing.  What I don't get is why some people follow me.  Do most people do what I do and read a funny or catchy Tweet and click on that person's Bio and see if their interests match mine?  I also seek out some Bloggy friends and follow who they follow (the same way I created my Blog Roll).  Or, do they just pile on the Followings to make their numbers (read:ego) more inflated?  Or are these new Followers the new wave on 'tele' marketers whose spambots find a key word in a Tweet and Follow me?   If I get Followed and don't Follow back, do people get offended?  I mean , if I don't know you or your blog or your friends - and I go to check you out and it's all coupons and marketing stuff -are you even a person?  For all I know, you could be a prison inmate who's getting paid a penny a Follow or something and the one with the most Follows at the end of the day gets to avoid the shiv in the yard or the short end of the soap on the roap.

In any case, Follow me on Twitter and Facebook and Network Blogs and Twitter Moms and....because I need validation.  Then I can share all that I have learned in multi-techno ways...because I need the insti-grat and have become too lazy to even write anything more than 140 characters long.