The One Where Swirl Girl Actually Unfurls

EDITOR'S NOTE: Tuesday's post will come to you over at Even The Nice One's...who has asked my to guest post for her while she's preparing for some very special Thanksgiving guests. And, I was still a little unfurled when I accepted the challenge, so ...Caveat Emptor, Nice One...



It's probably not the best idea to blog when one is in a foul mood. But what the hell, it's my party and I'll blog if I want to. And if I limit my blogging to only those moods in which I am not in a foul mood...well, I'd post about once a month.



For some reason, I am foul :



No wins, two losses , one tie ....between Hubby and his brother, Progesteban* in terms of the successes of marriages to which they have stood up as Best Men. Remember a while back I posted about a friend of Hubby's whose horrid wife gave him shit because he wanted to spend time with his dying mother? Well, now she is throwing the "D" word around. He's so better off without her. She is trash. I hope he serves the papers to her first - so he protects himself from her scournful awful self.

By the way, Hubby counts for one win and one loss on Progesteban's side. Before me, he was married once loooong ago. Married on Memorial Day and divorced by Labor Day of the same year.

*Progesteban is Hubby's brother's nickname . Real name Steven, the metrosexual bachelor totally in touch with his feelings that I coined this name.

I can not fathom (thank goodness) being in a position of hating someone so much that I am willing to throw in the towel. Another friend is going through a divorce - and a nasty one as well. I sympathize with both, but can't empathize - 'cuz I have never been in that position and hope never to be. Although, truth be known -I've been such a harpy lately that Hubby might just want to toss my whiney ass out the door right now!

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2012 save the date --W.T.F ? We got a letter from our temple that the 2012 Bat Mitzvah dates are open and must be reserved now. Two Thousand and Twelve? Seriously? I am just starting to plan Thanksgiving 2008 for crap's sake - and I am supposed to pick a date in Twenty-twelve?

So - we did (by the way, September 8, 2012 - mark your calendars) and I start to think about being across the country from our old friends and entire family...and then I start thinking about how much can change in 4 years and who (god forbid) may or may not be with us in 4 years and I get really depressed.



Hubby and I start to 'talk' about who we would invite and who may or may not come and then stop ourselves and he says "I can't believe we are even having an argument about whether or not my mother would get on a plane and come out to California for her grand daughter's Bat Mitzvah"


And we are out of chips and the Halloween candy stashed in the freezer and I get really, really depressed.


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I was totally insulted by a stranger on Friday. My neighbor had a little cocktail party for women (note to self: anything billed as 'for women only' with alcohol is just another way to sell AmwayArbonneSilpadaCookieLee so stay away!!) the other night and since I live across the street, I had no "I can't get a babysitter" or "I don't like to drink and drive" excuse. So I went. One of the women there totally dissed me. Twice. The first time was when I told her I was blogging (and then had to explain what blogging was , but not in an informative kind of way, but in a defensive way) and this woman says to me ...get this: "You're husband let's you blog?" I was all "I don't ask permission" and "it's no different than emailing or talking on the phone". What kind of relationship do you have lady? You ask your husband permission to have your own life? What, do you ask for forgiveness if you forget to put his pipe and frickin' slippers next to his chair before you put on your frickin' 1950's Harriet Nelson apron and mill your own frickin' wheat?



Then - later in the evening - when we were talking about kids and school and what not, she looks at me and says "You don't have kids in school do you? Yes, I have a 9 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. "You do?" she says all indignantly "I swore you had kids in high school or college" ( which is a passive aggressive way of saying I look tired and old). I swear if I was a dog, one of my little dog ears would have gone up and one would have gone down and my head would have cocked to one side (no , I think it actually did) like I just heard two alley cats rumbling in the streets...My neighbor, sensing the impending tongue lashing about to ensue, tried to intercede - saying something to the effect of "because of your calm , cool, collected air -you couldn't possibly have such young children . She mistook you for a well balanced, experienced domestic goddess much older and wiser than you are!" I am all "Oh, yeah? (chest bump) bitch ...it's time for a throwdown. Drop that Pomegranitini and pull up your bra straps 'cuz it's time for some whoop-ass!"



But, my better senses got hold of me - or I am just too old and tired to be that full of piss and vinegar that I said it was time to leave 'cuz I had some blogging to do...fodder, indeed.
Have your husband read this to you, dearie...