Wednesday, November 5, 2008

...And It Wasn't the Onions that Made Me Cry

As usual - I respond to comments from some of my regular reads. This time is was Ms. Tootsie Farklepants' post that led me to this response....


I, too, was in tears watching the election returns last night. I cried partly because Obama was elected and the sheer historic proportion of that in and of itself hit me with uncontrollable emotion. And, partly because Obama was elected. I know that sounds weird because he got my vote, but after I cast my ballot - I didn't feel that proverbial sense of 'hope' that has been tossed around - I felt , well - a little jittery in the depths of my soul. I can't explain it really.

I also cried at the results of several Propositions and Senate races here in California. As much as I will miss my daily mailbox full of mudslinging fish wrap from our local candidates, I will NOT miss the barrage of television ads appealing to the lowest common denominator ; fear. Good for you, you pro-Prop 4 whacko's (requiring parental notification upon minor's seeking abortions- which did not pass here) Your down to the wire ad showed a skanky looking self-admitted sexual predator who pretty much said if this prop didn't pass, he would be able to continue molesting girls and impregnate his victims and just take 'em for abortions since they didn't have to tell anyone about it. What brilliant pro-lifer douche bag came up with this ad?? Thank god the people of California were able to see through that one.

And I think it's sad that in a state where we are supposed to be the liberal, gay cavaliers, all tree hugging and dope smoking - we seem to care more about the ability of chickens and veal cows to be able to spread their wings and turn around in their cages (you know , so they can take a good long stretch before we eat them!) than we care about alternative fuels and equality among it's dope smoking and apparantly unrehabilitatable denizen. {As an aside, I think it's hysterical that the two counties that actually voted to pass the drug rehabilitation (Prop 5) and decriminilization of small amounts of marijuana possession here were Humboldt and Mendocino counties whose biggest cash crop next to wine grapes are ...you guessed it -mary jane. I know from personal experience (I was in the wine business you know, heh-heh).}

But most of all, I cried last night because Oprah was there (and she had more secret service guys around her than Obama did)and she was crying. I cry when she gives away cars to the needy and I cry during her 'Favorite Things' shows. I cry because I am needy and I would love to be in the audience to receive a faux sheerling pashmina and those jeans that make you look 20 lbs. lighter. And, you know what else made me cry? Poor Stedman. Oprah was there in all her Oprahness and she was literally hanging on some guy - and it wasn't Stedman. Who was that guy she was hanging on to, anyway? Anyone know? He looked a bit like comedian Lewis Black (who is snarky, angry and just friggin' hysterical - but it wasn't him) Poor Stedman - always behind Oprah...never along side her. When ya gonna come clean Oprah and just admit that Gayle and Stedman are one and the same...C'mon- you've never seen them both at the same time, have you? Not that there's anything wrong with that - at least not anywhere else but in California....


Well, aside from The Big News , the first order of business for the new guy is political appointments. And the insider scoop from the 'loop' is Barack's first official appointment. The "O" was just announced as Michelle Obama's Personal Wardrobe and Image Consultant....What the heck was she wearing last night? Not for nothing, but Halloween was last week Michelle. And now that you are the First Lady Elect...you're subject to the same scrutiny and ridicule as everyone else. You could even cross party lines now and ask Sarah Palin where she got her clothes. I hear that the Anchorage Mervyn's is closing and you can get red suits real cheap. They also have a few bridges and comfy leather chairs for sale as well. Yep - direct imports from Ted Stevens' cedar closet next to the wine cellar. I am sure Mrs. Steven's would be willing to 'lend' you a few things since they were not 'gifts' in the first place.

So now that the whole thing is over -and you won (or lost) whatever it was that you wanted to say Yes or No to , would you please come by and ...CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT! Come get your signs off the side of the road, tear them off the trees that you stapled them to, off the freeway overpass without causing more traffic tie-ups and SWAT standoffs....clean up after yourselves. I, for one, am sick of looking them. Take the placards out of your kids hands and take them off the the street corners, go back to homeschooling them, mill your own wheat, feed them whatever fear you've been feeding them - and hope that none of them come to you and tell you that they are gay, or pregnant and unwed, or got caught passing rolling papers to a friend at school.

Peace Out.
I certainly hope so anyway.

(note to self: the next time you try to write something funny about some very unfunny subjects- don't ...it'll turn out like this post)

19 comments:

jill jill bo bill said...

Thank you for saying that about her clothes. Since I didn't support him , I didn't want to seem bitter. But Michelle, please, dear lord, call Staci and Clint off What Not To Wear and get some help!!!

I am looking forward to prejudice being a thing of the past!

heh- your word verification is dinglot.

John said...

Viagra is the trusted treatment for male impotence problems. Online Viagra resource containing quality information on viagra and Erectile Dysfunction. http://www.viagracare.com

Mama Dawg said...

You know what those placards are good for?

Homemade sleds when it snows. For real.

Mama Dawg said...

Pssss...I don't know if you noticed, but John's back.

M said...

Awwwwww, I liked your post :)

I like that you cry over everything and I like that you're so passionate :)

And if nothing else, John's got some Viagra for you :)

John said...
Viagra is the trusted treatment for male impotence problems. Online Viagra resource containing quality information on viagra and Erectile Dysfunction. http://www.viagracare.com

Cristin said...

I was shocked by the Prop 8 decision...

I bet John was hoping McCain won... I'm sure he's a good customer.

Weith Kick said...

Great Post!!!! There are so many things I want to comment on about what you wrote but I don't know where to start so I won't start because if I did I would begin to ramble on and on and then you would probably just delete my comment. But I loved reading what you wrote! But I will say one thing. It's a secret. Even though I didn't agree with her politics, I did think Sarah Palin knew how to put together a pretty good outfit.

Tracy Griffin - Artist said...

Stopping in from SITS!
And, just for the record, I think Gayle and Stedman are the same person too.

Soxy Deb said...

Is "John" John McCain? Is he in sales now? That's an upgrade.

SG you get all the best commenters.


I am soo with you on the lawn crap - get it the heck out of my neighborhood. I picked up as many as I could this morning, but dang I am tired of the clutter.

Kat said...

Your viagra dealer is back. I love that you leave his comment alone. I think I would do the same thing. because it cracks me up.

And I have been saying for years that Gayle and Stedman are the same person. I am so glad that I am not alone in my conspiracy theories.

Jodi said...

I, too, sat there trying to make out what the heck Michelle had on. I'm with Jill Jill - get Staci and Clint on the job ASAP.
No signage issues in Massachusetts. I'd actually go so far as to say there is a huge lack of signage.
A tear or two may have slipped out when I woke up and found out that Obama had one.
I was very sad to hear that prop 8 didn't pass. We finally make a little progress around here and actually break the color barrier, then something like that happens. It doesn't make sense.
I differ with you on the Oprah subject. She makes me sick - I can't watch her - EVER. Is Stedman out of the picture?
Prop 2 in MA passed - decriminalization of the weed laws. Less than an oz. and you get a fine. Jared was quite pleased.
Oh, and BTW - John's back.

jodi said...

what a loser - the above should have read '...Obama had WON'. i hate when i do that.

Stephanie said...

Huh. I guess I have a hard time understanding why the school can't give a 12 year old an asprin if she has a headache without her mother signing a release, but it's OK for the same girl to have a surgical medical procedure in secret? No one else sees anything wrong with this picture? Because, you know, an asprin can change/wreck/alter/affect your whole life, but an abortion? Nah, no big deal, right?

JoeinVegas said...

Could you get them to come over to Vegas and take down the signs here too please? I think there are still some up for judges voted in two years ago.

Lula! said...

I'm laughing at TatMiniMom's comment...because I would bet my life that John ain't using no blue pills. I think Cindy is smokin' hot...heck, I'd french her. I doubt he needs any help in the revving up department.

But I digress...

Oh, California...Cali, Cali, Cali...so worlds apart from my little mountain town. Thank God I know you...I feel a sense of culture after reading your blog. Every. Single. Time.

manic mariah said...

Your word verification is Focal like vocal but with a cuss letter kinda like fuckal... I love you. I love your view on uglt red clothes and PLEASE get your shit ass flyers out of the trees.

Miss Blondie said...

Very well said! Right to the point...and you made me laugh, as usual. Oh and Oprah makes me cry too.

The Happy Mom said...

Well I thought this was a funny post! Who can have a dry eye while Oprah's crying? I cry during her "Favorite Things" show because I'm not one of her lucky audience members. :)

I was crying tears of joy that we'll be done (if only temporarily) with those endless political commercials!

Mer said...

Ah. I take it John stops by often to see to your viagra needs? ;)

Excellent post. Though I'm not an "Obama Girl" I do hope that he can make heads or tales of this mess. Starting with Michelle's wardrobe.

Now THAT'S a national crisis. :D