A friend recently lost a parent. Unfortunately , that is something I can relate to now on such a different level. Anyway- this friend was at his mom's cleaning out the stuff of life. Alone. He called to talk to Hubby as he was feeling a bit melancholy. I asked him why he was alone doing this job. He said " You know my wife" . I said " I used to know your wife, 10 years ago when we lived near each other, but now I don't know your wife. Nor do I really know you anymore for that matter."*
So the friend tells me he is doing this monumental task, cleaning out his mom's house, because his sister can't handle it. He tells me that for weeks and weeks his wife has been making him feel guilty because he just wanted to spend more time with his mom. Not that he could change the fact that she was going to die, but that he just wanted the precious time that was left with her to be more meaningful. His wife didn't understand that and thought the routine tasks of life (soccer practice and PTA meetings) were more important for him to tend to. Tensions mounted, disappointment took over, and guilt abounded. He said he had different expectations about how his wife of 14 years would handle crisis. He is surprised at her lack of empathy. So he's there alone, packing up stuff - reliving memories - feeling guilty that he didn't get enough time with his mom and feeling guilty that he let his kids down because he missed the first day of school. There will be another first day of school. There will never be another few moments to spend with his mom.
He goes on to say that he needed to talk to Hubby, just because Hubby has a way of making him feel good about himself and the choices he makes. Hubby just listens, and has forever. Friend says "You have an tremendous guy there." I say - "You're right. But don't let him I know I know...because then he'll have nothing to keep trying to prove to me , you know- once I admit that he actually is tremendous - he won't have to keep finding ways to show me!"
I managed to get a small chuckle out friend - and came to a realization of my own. I guess I really thought I knew this friend of Hubby's. I know him differently now.
I always knew that about Hubby.
*Backstory = this really a friend of Hubby's whom I tolerated and could never really understand the friendship in terms of these two guys being from completely different world's. Golf was their common universe. So I thought.