Monday, November 24, 2008

The One Where Swirl Girl Actually Unfurls

EDITOR'S NOTE: Tuesday's post will come to you over at Even The Nice One's...who has asked my to guest post for her while she's preparing for some very special Thanksgiving guests. And, I was still a little unfurled when I accepted the challenge, so ...Caveat Emptor, Nice One...



It's probably not the best idea to blog when one is in a foul mood. But what the hell, it's my party and I'll blog if I want to. And if I limit my blogging to only those moods in which I am not in a foul mood...well, I'd post about once a month.



For some reason, I am foul :



No wins, two losses , one tie ....between Hubby and his brother, Progesteban* in terms of the successes of marriages to which they have stood up as Best Men. Remember a while back I posted about a friend of Hubby's whose horrid wife gave him shit because he wanted to spend time with his dying mother? Well, now she is throwing the "D" word around. He's so better off without her. She is trash. I hope he serves the papers to her first - so he protects himself from her scournful awful self.

By the way, Hubby counts for one win and one loss on Progesteban's side. Before me, he was married once loooong ago. Married on Memorial Day and divorced by Labor Day of the same year.

*Progesteban is Hubby's brother's nickname . Real name Steven, the metrosexual bachelor totally in touch with his feelings that I coined this name.

I can not fathom (thank goodness) being in a position of hating someone so much that I am willing to throw in the towel. Another friend is going through a divorce - and a nasty one as well. I sympathize with both, but can't empathize - 'cuz I have never been in that position and hope never to be. Although, truth be known -I've been such a harpy lately that Hubby might just want to toss my whiney ass out the door right now!

************


2012 save the date --W.T.F ? We got a letter from our temple that the 2012 Bat Mitzvah dates are open and must be reserved now. Two Thousand and Twelve? Seriously? I am just starting to plan Thanksgiving 2008 for crap's sake - and I am supposed to pick a date in Twenty-twelve?

So - we did (by the way, September 8, 2012 - mark your calendars) and I start to think about being across the country from our old friends and entire family...and then I start thinking about how much can change in 4 years and who (god forbid) may or may not be with us in 4 years and I get really depressed.



Hubby and I start to 'talk' about who we would invite and who may or may not come and then stop ourselves and he says "I can't believe we are even having an argument about whether or not my mother would get on a plane and come out to California for her grand daughter's Bat Mitzvah"


And we are out of chips and the Halloween candy stashed in the freezer and I get really, really depressed.


************


I was totally insulted by a stranger on Friday. My neighbor had a little cocktail party for women (note to self: anything billed as 'for women only' with alcohol is just another way to sell AmwayArbonneSilpadaCookieLee so stay away!!) the other night and since I live across the street, I had no "I can't get a babysitter" or "I don't like to drink and drive" excuse. So I went. One of the women there totally dissed me. Twice. The first time was when I told her I was blogging (and then had to explain what blogging was , but not in an informative kind of way, but in a defensive way) and this woman says to me ...get this: "You're husband let's you blog?" I was all "I don't ask permission" and "it's no different than emailing or talking on the phone". What kind of relationship do you have lady? You ask your husband permission to have your own life? What, do you ask for forgiveness if you forget to put his pipe and frickin' slippers next to his chair before you put on your frickin' 1950's Harriet Nelson apron and mill your own frickin' wheat?



Then - later in the evening - when we were talking about kids and school and what not, she looks at me and says "You don't have kids in school do you? Yes, I have a 9 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. "You do?" she says all indignantly "I swore you had kids in high school or college" ( which is a passive aggressive way of saying I look tired and old). I swear if I was a dog, one of my little dog ears would have gone up and one would have gone down and my head would have cocked to one side (no , I think it actually did) like I just heard two alley cats rumbling in the streets...My neighbor, sensing the impending tongue lashing about to ensue, tried to intercede - saying something to the effect of "because of your calm , cool, collected air -you couldn't possibly have such young children . She mistook you for a well balanced, experienced domestic goddess much older and wiser than you are!" I am all "Oh, yeah? (chest bump) bitch ...it's time for a throwdown. Drop that Pomegranitini and pull up your bra straps 'cuz it's time for some whoop-ass!"



But, my better senses got hold of me - or I am just too old and tired to be that full of piss and vinegar that I said it was time to leave 'cuz I had some blogging to do...fodder, indeed.
Have your husband read this to you, dearie...



30 comments:

for a different kind of girl said...

Oh, how I love when fodder just falls in your lap like that! I should start telling people that I have a blog and see what I can come up with. I imagine I know more women than I even realize who would have the same initial reaction your lovely encounter had!

nikkicrumpet said...

ROFL...I LOVE IT when you blog in a foul mood. It just makes it that FREAKING much funnier! Did that woman have any idea how close she came to a "near death" experience??

Heather said...

Wow! I love woman with foul mouths...there needs to be a club for us!
(found you through Out# two to 1...glad I did!)

Rhea said...

OMG, I can't believe that woman said something along the lines of "your husband lets you do" ANYTHING. Are husbands aren't allowed to tell us what we can and can't do?! Good lord, welcome to 2008.

I love the nickname for your husband's brother. lol

Kelly said...

...And I thought it was bad that the families around here have to plan for Bat Mitzvahs 2 years out...Jeez, 4 yrs?! Well it will be a good day...it's my B-day!

I totally agree with you that hubby's friend should make a good decision and let go of that Wenchbag wife of his!! Life is too short to be tied to a human being like that!!

And your new best friend? Again, another Wenchbag!!

AndreaLeigh said...

Hi, I'm just dropping by from SITS to show some love! Whew, that lady was a nightmare! And I hate those parties... I try to avoid them at all costs. Even if there is free alcohol.

Kat said...

I wonder what is going on at her house to make her say such awful things. "Does your husband let you blog?" Oh my. I think I forgot to ask permission. And I forgot to ask permission when I whipped out his credit card to pay for my blog make over, too. Whoops...

I love it when you unfurl...

Mama Dawg said...

What a bitch!

M said...

Oh honey, I'm SO over here just rolling...

Foul moods happen to make the best blog material...at least I think so.

There was so much I loved about that post, I can't even get into specifics, I'd take a whole page.

"Progesteban*"

LOL!!

Aunt Becky said...

I want to punch that lady. I also want to punch anyone who throws those grabby parties. They're a huge pet peeve of mine.

And finally, your link is up on my blog! I don't know how you made it into my reader without the link, but somehow...somehow it happened...

Ronnica said...

Haha, 2012...wow. At least you've got it scheduled...haha!

I guess I'm glad that I don't have a husband because he might not let me blog???

The Blonde Duck said...

Chest bump...harpey....Oh Swirl Girl, you're so awesome. Tell that one b**** to kiss your grits. She's probably frigid and evil.

Mariah said...

Seriously if I told people that I blogged I'd be famous, they all be telling me stories...

Mommyto2 said...

Ahh, yes. I remember my brother's bar mitzvah's. I really wanted a bat mitzvah, but my younger brother is a year and 6 days younger and there wasn't money in the budget for both. Good luck. I marked my calendar.

jill jill bo bill said...

I am laughing out loud and it is 1130pm here. You are so damn funny.

Dorsey said...

Ok, I'm totally stalking, er, um, I mean following your blog now! hehe

Outnumbered2to1 said...

Don't ever second guess a foul mood post. those are the best ones. Why are some women so bitchy and whiney? I seriously avoid women.

Gina @ Six in the Country said...

You are so funny and real. I love that! I found your blog via SITS and I am so glad I did!

Kgirl said...

And I sighhhhhh CUZ,,,,,,I'm the one that drug your ass over there.....so sorry for that Swirl but you know i love ya!

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

You can't let people who overcompensate for their own insecurities get to you cuz that's EXACTLY what they are trying to do.

And you simply MUST blog when you are in a foul mood, it feeds the muse!

Linda S said...

shit I forgot to mill the wheat. I'll be back...wait, I AM divorced! I can blog whenever I want...

If you need backup for the neighbors, let me know...a few Pomegranatinis and I'm a regular bitch too!

Miz Dinah said...

Hahaha...you rock! I can see you getting all up in her face, girly-drink in hand. "You wanna piece of this?" WWW Smackdown... Whiny Wimpy Woman. Seriously!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

2012?? I'll be 40 then... oh let's not go there.

I have a poster here at work - it's for the national Passive Aggressive Campgain. Your neighbors picture is on it.

Colleen said...

seriously? 2012 is filling up? yikes! well, I suppose that is a good problem.

I wonder if that lady has to ask her husband's permission to read the paper, or if that's just too many words for her woman's brain. *sheesh!*

Anonymous said...

la question Amusante ejaculation rapide

Anonymous said...

http://ggforums.com/forum/index.php/topic,210.0.html
http://bendeconomy2.informe.com/forum/posting.php?mode=reply&f=6&t=161
http://www.sexaddictionsupport.com/posting.php?mode=reply&f=5&t=12589

Anonymous said...

[url=http://campus.collegeclicktv.com/_Online-Logistics-Degree-Programs/photo/9195752/14451.html]Spain Associate Degree Online[/url] [url=http://my.kwwl.com/_Dept-Education-Direct-Loans-Online/photo/9195650/28825.html]Australia Online Psychology Degree[/url] [url=http://community.fox4kc.com/_Degree-Music-Online/photo/9195172/96364.html]Online Master Degree In Education[/url] [url=http://community.partydisk.com/_Online-High-School-Year-Books/photo/9196441/92010.html]Devry Online School[/url] [url=http://mydolce.dolcechannel.com/_Online-Medical-Degree-Illinois/photo/9196606/27574.html]Masters Degree Online Education[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.wniv.net/_Online-Education-College-Degree-United/photo/9193019/56458.html]Saddle Making Schools Online[/url] [url=http://community.croydoncamogieclub.com/_Online-Teaching-Degree-Massachusetts/photo/9191770/36900.html]Masters Degree Online In Il[/url] [url=http://my.wsoctv.com/_Online-Banking-Courses/photo/9194500/6695.html]Degree Online Ohio[/url] [url=http://computers.communities.popularmechanics.com/_Online-Education-For-Rehab-Engineer/photo/9191662/12266.html]College Math Tutor Online[/url] [url=http://portal.liberatuvida.com/_Online-Mechanic-Degree/photo/9194276/23567.html]Florida Online Graduate Accounting Degrees[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://www.gregorchapelle.net/accueil/Members/kurtisyu/get-car-insurance-direct/]Acres Car Insurance Oakland[/url] [url=http://social-net-works.de/Members/leewinn/geico-car-insurance-california/]Geico Car Insurance California[/url] [url=http://www.physikclub.de/Members/freemanfranks/lowest-rate-car-insurance]Auto Insurance Company Ratings In Florida[/url] [url=http://www.sigcas.org/Members/merlinbaxter/florida-auto-insurance-commishoner]Car Color Effects Insurance Premiums[/url] [url=http://www.prolearn-academy.org/Members/nedrakessler/auto-insurance-quotes-in-florida]Austin Car Insurance Mn[/url]

Anonymous said...

[url=http://scjohnson.ca/cs-glade/members/Auto-Insurance-Online-Canada/default.aspx]Free Online Car Insurance Quote Online[/url] [url=http://s203643208.onlinehome.us/test/Web/members/Port-Moody-Auto-Insurance.aspx]Port Moody Auto Insurance[/url] [url=http://www.ecometro.com/Community/members/Auto-Loan-Payment-Protection-Insurance-Denied.aspx]Car Insurance Ireland Eagle Star[/url] [url=http://morewally.com/cs/members/Free-Car-Insurance-Comparison-Quote.aspx]Uk Low Car Insurance Rates[/url] [url=http://feedblogger.net/members/New-York-Cheap-Female-Car-Insurance.aspx]Auto Insurance Adjuster Jobs[/url]