Sunday, November 9, 2008

The One Where the Names Have Been Changed

...not to protect the innocent - but because I am pretty much stealing this idea from Lizzie at The Journey to the Hot Tub because she just posted her 164th post and wrote this long list. I guess the thing to do when you've hit 100 is compose a list of 100 that make you -you. The ultimate MeMe. (not YouYou, get it?) The idea of coming up with total originality on this, the occasion of my 100th post is just too exhausting for me . So, as imititation is the sincerest form of flattery and Lizzie just lost her bid as the Plaid Candidate (she could teach Michele Obama a few things, maybe?)- I thought I would copy, I mean pay homage to her insight herein. So I changed the details (and who am I kidding, I made some up) so that they are applicable to my life .

Note: so as I am writing this, I realize that so much of what I am writing has to do with my wonderful dad who passed away January 10th of this year. Today is the 10th of November. It's been 10 months...and I still miss him so profoundly it....well, you know. So - as a tribute to him and my mom, I am going to tell you at least 100 things about my life and how I got to this point.

1.My birthday is February 23, 1964
2.I have 2 siblings.
3.I am the youngest of the three.
4. Does the expression, 'saved the best for last' mean anything to you?
5. My mom says she was roughly 30 days late with each kid...
6.There are only about 3 baby pictures of me in existence.
7.If I told you it's because I looked like Bozo the clown, would you need further explaination as to why #7?
8. My middle name is Jaye. I always like that.
9. Had I been a boy - I would have been J. Warren or J. William. (what would they have called me? J.? or Warren?)
10. I never like my first name. It's not dignified. I can't imagine the day I will be called Grandma Swirlgirl'srealname.
11. I was teased about being Hot and Juicy for about the whole 80's.
12. I was supposed to be the 'biggest' adult of the 3 kids. Rang in at about 10 lbs at birth.
13. Doctor's didn't know shit back then.
14. Doctor's don't know shit right now.
15. When I was 5 or 6 , I had an operation in my left ear to correct the broken eardrum. It was discovered during the hearing tests that they started doing in Elementary schools.
16. I vividly remember my daddy telling me I needed the surgery by surprising me with a Baby Go Bye Bye (remote control car) that 'drove' out of the mirrored closet in my parents' room.
17. I also vividly remember waking up from that surgery with a bowl of green jello over my bed.
18. I haven't eaten green jello since then.
19. I went to nursery school at Little Folk Farm in Framingham, Massachusetts
20. I vividly remember peeing on the bouncing rubber swing at Little Folk Farm in Framingham, Massachusetts. Non-sequitor really, just the facts ma'am.
21. I had a really terrific childhood. Really!
22. We had family dinner just about every night at 6:00pm. Even though mom worked (for Dad) she still made dinner for us. This was a major foundation and I try to practice this with my own kids now. T.V. off and real conversation. On Sundays, we would have pizza and soda in the den, watching Mutual of Omaha's Wild Kingdom and Jaques Cousteau.
23. I vividly remember pinching grapes and English Peas from Dave's Fruit Stand.
24. My mom would shop at Dave's for produce, and she went to the butcher next door, then to the bakery for the best ever Russian Rye Bread.
25. I could eat a loaf of that Rye Bread. Fresh and hot - with tons of butter. This bread made the most amazing toast you've ever had in your life. I love rye toast.
26. My dad didn't eat vegetables other than iceberg lettuce salad and corn on the cob. He was a meat eater. "what , steak again?" was often heard in our house.
27. My dad was the only one in the family who just had to have those little corn shaped plastic corn holders or he would bitch about it.
28. Even to this day - I have a set or at least a pair of those little sharp implements of corn torture for my dad.
29. Every summer from 1972 to 1980 - I went to summer camp in Merrimack, New Hampshire.
30. There are things I loved about it - and tons of things I hated.
31. I was never in the in crowd at Camp Naticook. That is the part I hated.
32. My first boyfriend at camp was named David Goldstein.
33. My husband's name is David Goldstein.
34. They are not the same one. I wrote about that here.
35. My parents were ultra cool. They went out every Saturday night with friends.
36. My parent's were married for 50 years. That's 50...five oh. I should only live that long.
37. Their circle of friends have remained basically the same for most of that time.
38. #'s 36 and 37 are hard for me to fathom. Really.
39. When I was 15 , as the two sibs before me did, I went on a cross country bus trip called
California West.
40. We slept in tents in campgrounds and made our food on a real chuckwagon.
41. Most of the kids on that trip were from the in crowd of Camp Naticook.
42. That is why I sometimes hated that trip.
43. I was the rebel camper. The no make up wearing , earthy crunchy, non-meat eating JAP who hung out with Sara - the freaky chick with her guitar and the pound of weed she smuggled in her duffel bag.
44. I was arrested in Disneyland for smoking a joint on the skyway to Fantasyland while on that trip.
45. Let's just say, for me...unlike the sibs before me, mine was a 3/4 cross country because I was sent home and missed the last two weeks.
46. My father was never more disappointed in me as he was when he saw me after that lonely flight home. I was ashamed because all I ever wanted was for my daddy to be proud of me.
47. I hope that was the only time Daddy was that disappointed in me.
48. To this day, Ernie (my father's best friend) can't see me without a little dig about the joint smoking.
49. And, the first time I wore a bikini when I finally had the curves to fill it in.
50. My dad used to go on golf weekends every year with Ernie and a few other guys. They'd go to Virginia Beach and go to strip clubs and play golf.
51. Ernie, Bernie, Irwin (that's my daddy) and Bob were best friends.
52. They would play Gin on Monday nights and drank and smoked cigarettes.
53. For money-or merchandise. All of my parents' friends were in sales of some kind of wholesales merchandise like clothing, furniture, mattresses, jewelry, etc...
54. My wonderful dad was the youngest of the 4 best friends and the first to leave the table.
55. I was a Bluebird for about a month. I was thrown out for stealing Dawn Speranzas yarn octopus and claiming it as my own...(I don't know why I added this, it just came to came to mind)
56. I am not artisitc at all. That may explain #55.
57. Other than the fruit mentioned in #23, and the yarn octopus - I have never shoplifted.
58. Other than being busted and visiting the underground jail in Disneyland, I have never had a run in with the law. You'd be scared straight if you saw disney characters in 1/2 costume, too, 59. Not even a speeding ticket or other vehicle related infraction.
60. About 13 years ago, at a fancy schmancy wedding in Newport Rhode Island , we (Hubby and others) were partying after and there was a cop at coffee shop. I asked him if I could see the inside of the cruiser.
61. You really can't get get out of the back seat of a cop car.
62. When I was in 10th grade, my dad took me to London for a week.
63. We ate at wonderful restaurants, saw every thing London is famous for, and went to 3 Broadway shows. . It was an incredible experience.
64. We met up with the Bernie's son, Billy. Billy had scored tickets to Pink Floyd's "The Wall" concert that he bought from some scalpers. "The Wall" only showed twice. Ever. It was a stunning spectacle. Afterwards, Daddy and I ran with all the Londoners to the 'tube' after the show. It was the first time I ever really saw my dad run.
65. There is not a single picture of Daddy and I on that trip. We borrowed my sisters fancy schmancy camera and learned how to use it by painstakingly reading the manual on the plane trip to London.
66. We never loaded the friggin' thing with film. Wondered how we were able to take 106 pictures with one roll of film.
67. Daddy always drove luxury vehicles. He actually had a mauve, two toned, landau roofed, tinted windowed Lincoln Continental. On family road trips we listened to awesome music on the 8 track.
68. I vividly remember all of us singing to everything Elton John's "Goodbye Yellowbrick Road" to Barbra Streisand's "A Star is Born" to Led Zepplin's "Physical Graffiti".
69. Everyone sang or 'air band'ed. Even my brother who probably wouldn't admit it that for some strange reason he doesn't know why he can sing the words to Neil Diamond's "Song, Sung, Blue".
69. I also remember when my daddy drove me to college on the first day, there was dorm chatter that I was the princess of the Jewish Mafia capo because of that pink Lincoln.
70. When I graduated college, like other sibs before me, went on a bus tour of Europe called Contiki. We stayed in campgrounds throughout 11 countries. I was the only American on that trip.
71. I was in the in crowd on that trip. It was absolutely amazing and I don't think I have ever laughed (or drank) that much in my life.
72. I did properly load the camera back in the summer of '86 and have the photo album to prove it.
73. My daddy was a glazier. He owned a window, mirror and autoglass shop in Waltham , MA.
74. When he worked Saturdays, he would take one of us kids with him. We would Windex the mirror wall, type letters to ourselves, use the adding machine...Daddy never let me go to the shop in the back to use the bathroom. The guys had pictures of naked chicks on the walls in the dirty shoproom.
75. After work, he would take one of us kids (whosever turn it was) to lunch a 'dadventure' of their choice. I opted for museums, theater or shopping in downtown Boston.
76. My room in our house in Framingham had a cloud and blue sky mural and a mirrored wall. Come to think of it, that house had a lot of mirrors in it. Only on walls.
77. My brother and I had awesome Bose sound systems in High School. One of daddy's Gin buddies' daughter worked at Bose...he may have won them in game. I still have the speakers.
78. My dad retired at 51. I should only live that long.
79. I vividly remember him telling me that he and mom had sold the business, were selling the house that they (and I) were living in, and moving to Florida. We were driving home from work together (my first crappy job was down the street from the glass shop) and it was snowing.
80. A few years later, I moved to Florida too.
81. I don't winter gracefully.
82. I lived my parents in their Florida apartment on the beach for about a year. It was awesome.
83. I worked at bar in Palm Beach as a waitress. I am a great waitress.
84. I served the Senator from Massachusetts and his nephew their first Dewar's and water the night the nephew had his run in with the law for not understanding the meaning of the word 'no'.
85. I have an non pigmented birth mark on my thigh - that is sort of shaped like Cuba. When I worked in the bar in Palm Beach, I would let guys do body shots of tequila off my Cuba. Made a lot of money doing that...(my thigh is so much bigger now, it's more like South America now,{sigh})
86. During that year of living on the ocean with my parents, Daddy and I spent just about every single day at the beach. Reading , talking, sleeping, floating on the Hammecher Schlemmer raft.
87. I vividly remember those afternoons. Hanging out not just as father and daughter; but as friends.
88. My parents were truly thrilled for me when Hubby proposed.
89. They threw us one hell of a party.
90. During the ceremony, I switched around a couple of words and laughcriedtwitchedsnorted for about 2 minutes. I was supposed to say 'land of Moses' and said 'mand of loses'
90. Hubby and I honeymooned in Italy for two luxurious very glorious weeks.
91. I was completely confident in my photographic abilities by that time in my life and have an album to prove it.
92. My parents were at the hospital to greet their granddaughter. They were literally walking down the hall when they saw everyone running toward my room. They didn't make it to the elevator when they heard my laughcrytwitchsnort and knew Emily was born.
93. When I brought her home, my daddy came over every day bearing gifts. One day a Pooh Bear. The next day something else. He was content just to sit and hold the baby.
94. My parents babysat their granddaughter every Wednesday when I went back to work. They did everything together on Wednesdays.
95. When Hubby and I moved to Maryland, mom and daddy were happy for our opportunity - but I know the thought of not seeing me every week was killing them. Then we had Rachel and they wished they could babysit her every Wednesday. The time she spent with her grandparents are irreplaceable for Emily.
96. In my adult life, I am pretty sure I spoke to my Daddy every 3-4 days bar none. Sure, I spoke to mom, but it was Daddy with whom I really talked.
97. When we had the chance to move to California for Hubby's job...our lives would change forever. I was sad to leave the east coast. Sure, my friends that I had made in Maryland, sure my sisterbestfriend, but mostly because of my Daddy.
98. My wonderful father had several health issues in the last 5 years of his life. The distance in miles between us mattered so much more because of that.
99. He joked that he wanted more initials after his name than his doctors did. And not initials as in Jr. or Sr. - but as in P.A.D., Q.B.P., C.L.L., M.C.C. (Peripheral Artery Disease, Quadruple By Pass, Chronic Lymphatic Leukemia, Merkel Cell Carcinoma) - that kind of initials. The kind that suck.
100. I wrote this in my first month of Blogging.
101. All of this might lead one to believe that my mom had nothing to do with my upbringing. That is definitely not the case. My mom is strong, and smart and instilled the greatest gifts in me and my brother and sister. I could write a hundred things about my mom, too. I hope I don't have to for a long, long time.
102. Of all of my parents friends kids- the three of us are the most 'undisturbed' . Nudge, nudge, wink, wink. They must have done something right!
103. I hope -no I know that when my girls are blogging about their mom, that they only have good things to say about Hubby and I . If they have 1/2 the relationship with us as my sibs and I had with our parent's - they are lucky frickin' kids, let me tell you.
104. The stories you have read are (mostly) true. The names and dates may have changed slightly to make for better blogging.


M said...

That was really amazing. So many awesome experiences.

You're a lucky girl!

nikkicrumpet said...

Well congrats on hitting was fun reading about your life...and it's easy to see that you have an amazing family...and your dad was totally AWESOME!

jill jill bo bill said...

You look so youngto have hit 100! I know we have shared the similarities we dad's death was Jan 5, etc. I love ya Swirl, and now that I know that you were a Jaques Couteau and MoO Wild Kingdom watcher, I love you even more!!! Congrats!!!!!

jill jill bo bill said...

Okay, even weirder, today will be my 100th post as well....freaky!!

Outnumbered2to1 said...

Wow, you have had an amazing life. A lot of adventures! Your family sounds way cool too.

Mama Dawg said...

That's awesome. So much better than the other one's I've read. It really allowed me to "know" you better.


Unknown said...

WOw - I feel HONORED!!!!

And I LOVED your list.

I am so bowing in worship over 2 things... the Disney/Dope experience



Oh yea... that's some good stuff.

AngiDe said...

Whoa what a list! Thanks for sharing!
I totally agree with the Dr.'s don't know shit part! ;)

"Nana's Box"

Unknown said...

I love your list! A lot of great info there.

Cuba, eh?

The Happy Mom said...

Congrats on your 100th post, that was quite a list! What a cool life you've had so far, I feel like I've known you forever, now! :)

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your dad, he sounds like a wonderful man.

Fannie said...

That's quite a list. I'm with you on the rye bread, but I like a slice of Taylor Ham along with!

J'Ollie Primitives said...

Love your list. Your post about your dad made me bawl.

Mariah said...

See, we should meet, I have 2 sibling also and my b-day is Feb 28th so that already makes us best friends. My dad recently died and so did my grandma, no,not the grandma with the ugly doll. The other grandma.

Rhea said...

Hey, Hot and Juicy, congrats on hitting 100!

Anonymous said...

Ok...this is bestfriendsister...and im balling my eyes out...oh, you lied on #57. (Other than the fruit mentioned in #23, and the yarn octopus - I have never shoplifted.). I remember you shoplifted a record from Caldor's (pre-target). Walked out with it under your shirt...and got away with it! LOL
I love ya and remember..we were the only family with all 3 NORMAL kids (well, 2 of us at least!..kidding )

Lula! said...

This is why I don't do these lists...'cause yours was amazing and mine would suck. So there you go.

Cristin said...

I love this list!

I always forget that you're from 'around here'...

And #84...I totally remember that!!

Swirl Girl said...

okay sisterbestfriend...
I did not steal that record from Caldor...It was the No Nukes Album which I purchased with my employee discount! How could I get an LP under my shirt - it was square and I was certainly not!! But - I was flat chested, so I guess maybe I could have.

So There!!

The Blonde Duck said...

You're a cool girl! I love your list!

Keys to the Magic Travel said...

OH, "Debbie" - this is an amazing list. I am sitting here with tears running down my face. We are quickly approaching the two year anniversary of my dad's death. (And can you believe we are still fighting with the insurance company about accidental death?!) There are just some things that put me right back to thinking about him.

I hereby retire my very lame 30something things I came up with and bow to you and Lizzy as the masters of the list.

Debbie said...

Okay...I almost wrote your real name ;). I read every word and loved every word. You made me laugh alot as usual. You are very blessed to have had such a wonderful relationship with your father. My dad lives 30 minutes away and isn't very interested in our lives. He likes to watch TV all day. He also loves to push my buttons so it's best that we see each other infrequently. I wish it weren't that way, but it is. We invite my parents over to dinner and he can't wait to get home to watch his "programs." It's sad but what are you gonna do. Great post!

Unknown said...

This is the best list I have ever read! Swirl rule!

Aunt Becky said...

I totally have a birthmark in the shape of the USA on my right buttock.

No, seriously.

MichelleB said...

Amazing post. I love that your parents have been married for 50 years.

Me and my hubby just celebrated our 10th anniversary and after he gave me a gorgeous pair of diamond earrings from we shared champaign and toasted to at least reach 50 years!

Congrats to hit 100 too!

Brittany said...

Wow, that was a huge list, and yet, i read every stinkin one! Good job, you totally sucked me in!

Melanie Sheridan said...

Popped over from Vintage Thirty. I'm from TO too. Lived there until I left for college.

Tootsie Farklepants said...

My oldest son was also nearly 10 pounds at birth and "supposed" to grow up to be "big". So you're right, doctors still don't know shit.