Monday, November 24, 2008

The One Where Swirl Girl Actually Unfurls

EDITOR'S NOTE: Tuesday's post will come to you over at Even The Nice One's...who has asked my to guest post for her while she's preparing for some very special Thanksgiving guests. And, I was still a little unfurled when I accepted the challenge, so ...Caveat Emptor, Nice One...



It's probably not the best idea to blog when one is in a foul mood. But what the hell, it's my party and I'll blog if I want to. And if I limit my blogging to only those moods in which I am not in a foul mood...well, I'd post about once a month.



For some reason, I am foul :



No wins, two losses , one tie ....between Hubby and his brother, Progesteban* in terms of the successes of marriages to which they have stood up as Best Men. Remember a while back I posted about a friend of Hubby's whose horrid wife gave him shit because he wanted to spend time with his dying mother? Well, now she is throwing the "D" word around. He's so better off without her. She is trash. I hope he serves the papers to her first - so he protects himself from her scournful awful self.

By the way, Hubby counts for one win and one loss on Progesteban's side. Before me, he was married once loooong ago. Married on Memorial Day and divorced by Labor Day of the same year.

*Progesteban is Hubby's brother's nickname . Real name Steven, the metrosexual bachelor totally in touch with his feelings that I coined this name.

I can not fathom (thank goodness) being in a position of hating someone so much that I am willing to throw in the towel. Another friend is going through a divorce - and a nasty one as well. I sympathize with both, but can't empathize - 'cuz I have never been in that position and hope never to be. Although, truth be known -I've been such a harpy lately that Hubby might just want to toss my whiney ass out the door right now!

************


2012 save the date --W.T.F ? We got a letter from our temple that the 2012 Bat Mitzvah dates are open and must be reserved now. Two Thousand and Twelve? Seriously? I am just starting to plan Thanksgiving 2008 for crap's sake - and I am supposed to pick a date in Twenty-twelve?

So - we did (by the way, September 8, 2012 - mark your calendars) and I start to think about being across the country from our old friends and entire family...and then I start thinking about how much can change in 4 years and who (god forbid) may or may not be with us in 4 years and I get really depressed.



Hubby and I start to 'talk' about who we would invite and who may or may not come and then stop ourselves and he says "I can't believe we are even having an argument about whether or not my mother would get on a plane and come out to California for her grand daughter's Bat Mitzvah"


And we are out of chips and the Halloween candy stashed in the freezer and I get really, really depressed.


************


I was totally insulted by a stranger on Friday. My neighbor had a little cocktail party for women (note to self: anything billed as 'for women only' with alcohol is just another way to sell AmwayArbonneSilpadaCookieLee so stay away!!) the other night and since I live across the street, I had no "I can't get a babysitter" or "I don't like to drink and drive" excuse. So I went. One of the women there totally dissed me. Twice. The first time was when I told her I was blogging (and then had to explain what blogging was , but not in an informative kind of way, but in a defensive way) and this woman says to me ...get this: "You're husband let's you blog?" I was all "I don't ask permission" and "it's no different than emailing or talking on the phone". What kind of relationship do you have lady? You ask your husband permission to have your own life? What, do you ask for forgiveness if you forget to put his pipe and frickin' slippers next to his chair before you put on your frickin' 1950's Harriet Nelson apron and mill your own frickin' wheat?



Then - later in the evening - when we were talking about kids and school and what not, she looks at me and says "You don't have kids in school do you? Yes, I have a 9 year old and a 4 1/2 year old. "You do?" she says all indignantly "I swore you had kids in high school or college" ( which is a passive aggressive way of saying I look tired and old). I swear if I was a dog, one of my little dog ears would have gone up and one would have gone down and my head would have cocked to one side (no , I think it actually did) like I just heard two alley cats rumbling in the streets...My neighbor, sensing the impending tongue lashing about to ensue, tried to intercede - saying something to the effect of "because of your calm , cool, collected air -you couldn't possibly have such young children . She mistook you for a well balanced, experienced domestic goddess much older and wiser than you are!" I am all "Oh, yeah? (chest bump) bitch ...it's time for a throwdown. Drop that Pomegranitini and pull up your bra straps 'cuz it's time for some whoop-ass!"



But, my better senses got hold of me - or I am just too old and tired to be that full of piss and vinegar that I said it was time to leave 'cuz I had some blogging to do...fodder, indeed.
Have your husband read this to you, dearie...



Saturday, November 22, 2008

The Fabulous One...



Many thanks to The Nice One at Even the Nice Ones for bestowing this fabulous award on me.


She and I both have sexy blog cartoon selves so we are real tight. I don't know about her in real life, but my waist is indeed that tiny and my boobs are indeed that perky.
What I have to do is this:

Rules:
1. You have to pass it on to 5 other fabulous blogs in a post.
2. You have to list 5 of your fabulous addictions in the post.
3. You must copy and paste the rules and the instructions below in the post.

Instructions: On your post of receiving this award, make sure you include the person that gave you the award and link it back to them. When you post your five winners, make sure you link them as well.


The hard part of this for me is choosing only my fabulous addictions, not my run of the mill (read: sometimes illegal and always illicit) -not so fabulous ones....so here goes:


5. addicted to soap operas since I was 11. Something about Luke Spencer and Laura Weber and those discoteque lights and Herb Alpert's "Rise" got under my craw back then. Hell, - it's over 30 years ago, and while I don't actually watch them any more ...I still check Soaps.com for updates on my ABC addictions. You know your old when your favorite character's children are the new 'it' couple.



4. My acrylic nails....oh yeah - I got me some loverly french manicure and have for oh so many years. I don't even know what my real nails look like. Even in this economy - I'd give up lunch (yeah, that's it - lunch !) everyday for my fingernails. Too bad my kids will go hungry without their packed lunchboxes, but my nails still look fabulous.



3. Salt and Grease...sure I love chocolate, but my first and always preferred snack addiction is chips, chips and chips. Something about the combo of lightly salted-hydrogenatedly-oiled potato or corn products really makes me happy. Add to that a coating of 'processed cheese food' and I am all squealy with joy. (side note: just how many cheetos do you eat before you lick your fingers, anyway?)



2. Reality TV...maybe because there is such a lack of original programming these days, but I can't wait for AmericanIdolSoYouThinkYouCan DanceProjectRunwayTopChef to come on each week. Oh, and I'd like to thank my DVR for making it all possible.

...and my number one Fabulous Addiction is - as if you didn't already know:

1. Blogging. I have B.O.C.D. - Blog Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. I need to start a support group. I'll call it On and On Anon. Coffee and chips will be served at the meetings. And we offer free WiFi. Any takers?


Now for the hard part: I have to select 5 Fabulous cyber friends to share this with.


Aunt Becky at Mommy Wants Vodka because she has the most fabulous new look for her site. It's so 'afterschool special' in an "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" kind of way. I read her each day , so maybe if I kiss her bloggy butt a little here - she'll finally add me to her blog roll.


Happy Hour Sue at Happy Meals and Happy Hour because she has the most fabulous sense of humor and always makes me laugh.


Tiffany and Heather of the Secret's In The Sauce. The fabulous site that brings about 300 bloggers together -each and every day.


Trooper Thorn of Dogs and Jeans. Trooper is hysterical. His fabulous coverage of newsworthy events like the Olympics and the Election actually made me snort whatever beverage I was consuming out of my nostrils (and let me tell you, wine stings when it comes out of your nostrils). I don't think Trooper would mind the girly picture on his blog. Would you, Trooper?

and Romi, at It is What it Is because she hasn't been around for a while and I want to make sure she is still as fabulous as ever.

So there you have it.

Fabulous is as fabulous does.


Thursday, November 20, 2008

Busy Hands...





...make beautiful pictures.
These are 'fridge worthy'.
I needed to smile after feeling in a funk all day.
Go visit Carrie's place for more Friday Foto Fun!