The One in Which She Has Too Much Ability

When my kid had the stomach flu for two days, she didn't eat much, the poor thing. After she felt better - all she wanted was a cheeseburger. She said "It's not so much that I am craving the flavor of the cheeseburger, Mom. I can live without that. It's that I am craving the ability to eat it! That's what I can't live without!" That about sums up the past 40+ years of eating habits for me.

No will power and too much ability.

I have always craved eating.  Not the food per se, or the flavors -  but the action of the eating itself.   I crave textures and temperatures.   Sometimes I feel like eating something with my fingers. (who doesn't love licking their fingers after downing an entire bag  a handful of processed cheese-food covered Cheetos?)  Sometimes I feel like eating something with chopsticks. (sushi, really good Ramen, anyone?)  Sometimes I feel like crunching, slurping, sipping my craving, while other times I feel like noshing and grazing it.  And yes, I do crave a good chew now and then.  Sometimes I just want to masticate on a well marbled , perfectly seasoned steak.  And don't even get me going on lamb chops...Mmmm, Mmmm goooooood.

I have always said that I'd rather take 100 bites of 100 different things than 100 bites of one thing.  I love the whole concept of 'small plate' dining.  And don't be confused by that term 'small plate' - it has nothing to do with portion control.  When one goes to a Tapas restaurant like this one and eats the entire menu...there is nothing controlled about that!  You just think you are eating less because you only have a tiny little plate in front of you and maybe a little bamboo skewer to spear your teeny tiny 'papas canarias' (teeny tiny salty wrinkly potatos with a mojo verde dipping sauce) you have the air of being a dainty eater..but the ability of a Sumo wrestler carbing up before the next match.   And don't even get me started on those 'philly cheese steaks' (individual salty puffs of crunchy air bread with hot, oozy cheese inside covered in a super thin slice of just seared Wagu beef).  Texture and temperature - I'm salivating at the memory as I type.

But don't get me wrong - I am not a buffet lover.  As it would seem that I would enjoy the options that a buffet could offer; I eat with my eyes , and there is nothing appealing about seeing globs of food splayed in even even the fanciest of chafing dishes.  Not that I wouldn't eat at a buffet restaurant, but given other options, I would opt out. 

It really sucks being a good cook - and even worse being married to one.  Our children have grown up on 3 or 4 course meals.  Their favorite foods run the gamut from hot dogs to rack of lamb.  When asked "what do you want for lunch?' they have been known to shout out things like " a simple charcuterie and triple creme Brie , please!"  When (and if ) they eat chicken fingers and boxed mac and cheese, they consider it a treat.  And doing so is tantamount to eating out...since they don't get that stuff around here.  (not that I am knocking prepared foods by any means...but my damned ability to cook has spoiled my kids)

In this , the year of me going from Flabulous to Fabulous  (and so far I am living up to my end of the bargain.  What about you thighs..I mean you guys?) I have managed to stave off some of those cravings.  I am trying to prepare meals that satisfy my need to become physically involved with my food.  In fact, it is a little known fact that if you eat directly out of the refrigerator {substitute pantry, or kid's lunchbox, or grocery store bags} you will lose weight since you are expending energy with all that bending, tearing open, and devouring; thus, burning unwanted calories and satisfying the required physical exertion required in any healthy diet and exercise plan.

*definition of overboard for a family of 4?

Part of my plan is to redefine my Abilily.  Because there really is such a thing as too much for your own good. 

The One Where Nothing Would Say I Love You More

Bullshit holiday if there ever was one.  Valentine's Day was invented in a Madison Avenue hotel room during a three way between Hershey's, Hallmark and Frederick's of Hollywood after an evening of cheap cava, stale Tipparillos and all those left over marshmellow Peeps from last Easter.  Hell, even those three can't escape the afterglow of steamy hotel sex and sugar-coma.  And what's worse is they manage to spread their sappy sentiment to the rest of us who feel obligated to express to their loved one's just why they are so special. 

Just for today, not for everyday.

I don't want flowers.  Don't want the obligatory 'love note' about being soul mates or any of that bullshit.

(even though it's true -no really, its true..while I might be a bit snarky, and I am not totally heartless and wholly unsentimental..click the link, would ya?). 

You know what would tell me you loved me?

Listening to me when I talk;

really giving a shit about what you hear when you listen to me when I talk;

and responding to me when we talk so I know you're listening to me when I talk.

Follow through,

don't patronize me,

don't take me for granted,

don't take YOU for granted ,

and finishing what you start.

And not just today, but everyday. 

...okay, so a little blue box from Tiffany wouldn't suck either.  Just sayin'.

The One In Which There Is Such a Thing As A Free Lunch**

**hassle free, that is!

I have been asked to do a product review by Mom MadeThat.com,  a terrific consortium of Mom Made businesses, goods, and services, reviews, testimonials and a whole host of other good stuff.  I went on the site and registered and was contacted about two days later that there was a product right up my alley.

I pack lunch every day for my two girls.  I go through sandwich bags and snack baggies like crazy!  And if you have a child like mine who doesn't always want a sandwich, I sometimes had 3 or 4 odd sized disposable plastic containers to contend with.  And if we were lucky to get the containers back at the end of the day, I had to clean 3 or 4 lids and bottoms.  Not to mention all those baggies going to baggie landfills.

I have found a solution!!  The Easy Lunchbox System.  Each System comes with 4 three compartment bottoms and 4 snap fitting lids.  They are are big and deep enough to fit a sandwich and two sides.  And the lunch bag is big enough to fit the lunch container, a freezer pack (rectangular and under the container - I found that works best) a drink and extra snack!

Their compartmentalized lunchboxes are non-toxic, food-safe, polypropylene (PP or plastic #5). These are the top-choice safe food containers if you’re looking for BPA-free lunch boxes, phthalate-free lunch boxes and non-toxic lunch boxes.  They are dishwasher safe too!  And because each system comes with 4 containers and 4 lids - you can use two and wash two!

Their Easy Lunch Bags are vinyl free (PVC free) & lead free, with an FDA compliant PEVA lining.  They come in several colors and have a gromet on the strap to hang ID tags or clip on a hand sanitizer!

I thank MomMadeThat.com and EasyLunchboxes.com for  helping make my morning a little less harried and hassle free!

The One In Which There is Too Much Crap, Crap and More Crap

4 jewelry boxes containing various beads, plastic rings and (up)Chuckee Cheese chinese finger handcuffs;

feathers, 5 piggy banks with hand-drawn coins and bills so she knows what goes where; paper kitty ears; orange string; duct tape wallet; paper flowers and stickers; two soccer trophies; most of the Russian matryoshka dolls  hair bow 'doggy'; barbie shoes; various and sundry Littlest Pet Shop accessories and crap, crap more crap

Pens, pencils, crayons, and tons of erasers; 2 wallets; Hannah Montana pencil case; old fashioned mechanical coin bank; note cards; Ipod speakers; papers; notes; origami cranes; polished rocks; and crap, crap and more crap

*******************

And in an the All Out Effort to live up to our goals and resolutions for 2010 - while I am killing (literally killing myself which would explain my lack of posting ) myself at the gym, and trying to eat right and go from Flabulous to Fabulous in 52 weeks..I am going to ask my kids ...no, I am going to make my kids do something with the mess that is their stuff.

Look at the pictures of their stuff.  I realize that kids have their little collections of shit, but does my little one really need that half ball of orange string on her dresser and duct tape wallet??  Does my oldest really need that 7 inch cadre of stackable pencil erasers?  What's worse it that when Mommy asks them to clean up their rooms, they just rearrange the clutter instead of dispersing it. 

I am not saying that they need to go on Hoarders  or anything that drastic.  I may not always be neat and tidy...But I am organized.  In fact, I pride myself on my Ability when it comes to organization.  To the untrained- one might look at my desk and see momentary chaos.  But I know where everything is.  Over winter break I went through every drawer and cabinet in my kitchen and desk and neatened and straightened and tossed and tidied up.  My motto is and always has been , if you haven't used it ,worn it, looked at it, or missed it in a year - See ya!  Donate and Liberate!

Just ask my mom. When I was a kid, I would redecorate my room and rearrange my closets and drawers every few months.  I can't recall ever needing to told to clean my room, because it usually was.  I used to help my sisterbestfriend organize and clean her house in exchange for laundry priviledges (amongst other things...heh, heh sisterbestfriend).  I worked retail at Pier One and my favorite part of the job was setting tables and folding napkins and organizing the knick-knack bins.  So as much as my girls are messy - Mommy seems to be boarderline OCD in the neat freak department.  Not that there is anything wrong with that mind you.

Imagine my chagrin when we had our usual Thanksgiving lavish party , and I (who prides herself on everything in it's place and a place for everything) was teased by friends for being too organized?  Is there such a thing?  Nobody cleans my kitchen but me for that reason.  I don't need anyone making fun of where my coffee filters go (next to the coffee cups of course...makes perfect sense to me since you use both at the same time usually, don't you?)  I know, that was months ago- get over it, Swirl Girl.

So join me, won't you?  On my quest to rid myself and my house of Junk and Stuff.  It's only February, and we still have 10 months to #2, #6, and #9.  And if you can't find me ...I'll be the one buried under all the crap, crap and more crap sucking my thumb ..alone , hungry amd sore.