...And It Wasn't the Onions that Made Me Cry

As usual - I respond to comments from some of my regular reads. This time is was Ms. Tootsie Farklepants' post that led me to this response....


I, too, was in tears watching the election returns last night. I cried partly because Obama was elected and the sheer historic proportion of that in and of itself hit me with uncontrollable emotion. And, partly because Obama was elected. I know that sounds weird because he got my vote, but after I cast my ballot - I didn't feel that proverbial sense of 'hope' that has been tossed around - I felt , well - a little jittery in the depths of my soul. I can't explain it really.

I also cried at the results of several Propositions and Senate races here in California. As much as I will miss my daily mailbox full of mudslinging fish wrap from our local candidates, I will NOT miss the barrage of television ads appealing to the lowest common denominator ; fear. Good for you, you pro-Prop 4 whacko's (requiring parental notification upon minor's seeking abortions- which did not pass here) Your down to the wire ad showed a skanky looking self-admitted sexual predator who pretty much said if this prop didn't pass, he would be able to continue molesting girls and impregnate his victims and just take 'em for abortions since they didn't have to tell anyone about it. What brilliant pro-lifer douche bag came up with this ad?? Thank god the people of California were able to see through that one.

And I think it's sad that in a state where we are supposed to be the liberal, gay cavaliers, all tree hugging and dope smoking - we seem to care more about the ability of chickens and veal cows to be able to spread their wings and turn around in their cages (you know , so they can take a good long stretch before we eat them!) than we care about alternative fuels and equality among it's dope smoking and apparantly unrehabilitatable denizen. {As an aside, I think it's hysterical that the two counties that actually voted to pass the drug rehabilitation (Prop 5) and decriminilization of small amounts of marijuana possession here were Humboldt and Mendocino counties whose biggest cash crop next to wine grapes are ...you guessed it -mary jane. I know from personal experience (I was in the wine business you know, heh-heh).}

But most of all, I cried last night because Oprah was there (and she had more secret service guys around her than Obama did)and she was crying. I cry when she gives away cars to the needy and I cry during her 'Favorite Things' shows. I cry because I am needy and I would love to be in the audience to receive a faux sheerling pashmina and those jeans that make you look 20 lbs. lighter. And, you know what else made me cry? Poor Stedman. Oprah was there in all her Oprahness and she was literally hanging on some guy - and it wasn't Stedman. Who was that guy she was hanging on to, anyway? Anyone know? He looked a bit like comedian Lewis Black (who is snarky, angry and just friggin' hysterical - but it wasn't him) Poor Stedman - always behind Oprah...never along side her. When ya gonna come clean Oprah and just admit that Gayle and Stedman are one and the same...C'mon- you've never seen them both at the same time, have you? Not that there's anything wrong with that - at least not anywhere else but in California....


Well, aside from The Big News , the first order of business for the new guy is political appointments. And the insider scoop from the 'loop' is Barack's first official appointment. The "O" was just announced as Michelle Obama's Personal Wardrobe and Image Consultant....What the heck was she wearing last night? Not for nothing, but Halloween was last week Michelle. And now that you are the First Lady Elect...you're subject to the same scrutiny and ridicule as everyone else. You could even cross party lines now and ask Sarah Palin where she got her clothes. I hear that the Anchorage Mervyn's is closing and you can get red suits real cheap. They also have a few bridges and comfy leather chairs for sale as well. Yep - direct imports from Ted Stevens' cedar closet next to the wine cellar. I am sure Mrs. Steven's would be willing to 'lend' you a few things since they were not 'gifts' in the first place.

So now that the whole thing is over -and you won (or lost) whatever it was that you wanted to say Yes or No to , would you please come by and ...CLEAN UP YOUR SHIT! Come get your signs off the side of the road, tear them off the trees that you stapled them to, off the freeway overpass without causing more traffic tie-ups and SWAT standoffs....clean up after yourselves. I, for one, am sick of looking them. Take the placards out of your kids hands and take them off the the street corners, go back to homeschooling them, mill your own wheat, feed them whatever fear you've been feeding them - and hope that none of them come to you and tell you that they are gay, or pregnant and unwed, or got caught passing rolling papers to a friend at school.

Peace Out.
I certainly hope so anyway.

(note to self: the next time you try to write something funny about some very unfunny subjects- don't ...it'll turn out like this post)