The One In Which It Sounds Like a Plan...

The little one has been asking some question lately...No - not the the average questions that most 5 year olds ask their moms like :

Mom, how come I have to eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day?
(doesn't your 5 year old ask you questions like that?)


My little one asks me deep and profound questions. Querries that spark philosophical debate and some that defy explanation. And I try to answer them in a way she'd understand, careful not to "lie" (overtly anyway, and notice the word lie is in bloggy air quotes) and I try to craft my words the right way as she is sure to repeat them sometime in the future (and hopefully not in an inopportune place either) like telling the cute guy at Starbuck's that coffee makes her mom farty. And not in the diversionary way some people do either: When you ask them "What time is it?" They build you a watch.

Here's a few doozie exchanges that occurred this weekend:

Rachel: Mom, what does 'get arrested' mean?
Me: Where did you hear that expression?
Rachel: Ella Enchanted (a disney movie starring Anne Hathaway)
Me: Well, when you're a bad guy and you get caught doing that bad thing by the police, it's called getting arrested.
Rachel: Do the bad guys go to jail for ever and ever?
Me: Depends on how bad the bad thing that they did was.
Rachel: Well, when I get arrested, I'll make sure the bad thing was only medium bad.
Me: Sounds like a plan, dolly.

***

Rachel: Mom, how do you get up to heaven? **
Me: When you die, your body doesn't go to heaven...but your mind, and thoughts, and spirit and heart and feelings go to heaven.
Rachel: What happens to your body?
Me: Well, say like when you eat an apple, and if you don't throw it in the trash, it sort of gets all brown and shrivelly and rotten? That's what happens to your body.
Rachel: Eeewww. So your heart goes up to heaven?
Me: Well, not really your actual heart...but the love it has in it.
Rachel: {thinking a bit} Phew, I don't want my love to get all shrively and rotten!
Me: Sounds like a plan , Dolly.

**She clearly wasn't asking what do you have to DO to get into heaven. Some kids don't get death and dying, but she does. Plus, in Judaism - everyone goes to heaven . There is no alternative place to go. So being a good person or a bad person isn't relevant. For us, heaven is where you go after you retire from God's waiting room, otherwise known as Florida.

********
In discussing the whole Passover holiday (think: Charlton Heston in The Ten Commmandments)...which she is learning in pre-K

Rachel: Pharoah and Fair start with the same letter but are opposites!

After a king sized breakfast of Captain Crunch encrusted french toast ....(thanks Dad)

Rachel: Mom, do you know what smells can do? Smells can s-l-i-t-h-e-r (said very deliberately slowly ) under the crack under your door and through the slits in your eyes and wake you up wanting syrup!

****

Rachel: Mom, do I bet you wish you were a kid.
Me: Nope, 'cuz if I was, I wouldn't have you or Sissy .
Rachel: And you wouldn't yell, or wipe boogers or bummies .
Me: That 'bout sums it up for me, Dolly .

This was all part of the plan.