Wednesday, April 8, 2009

An Open Letter to The Pilot of the Pilot

Dear Honda Service Center 'Valet'

While I appreciate the way you put paper on the floor mats to keep your mechanic's greasy feet from soiling my coffe stained mommy wagon...and I love that you wrap the 'genuine leather steering wheel' in plastic to keep it clean...and that you hermetically seal the seats themselves to keep sharp objects from sliding across them and tearing the pleather....I have but one question for you , dude.

Why, oh why must you mess with the seat position for the ten seconds you are in the car?

I have the fancy Honda Pilot (which I love)..the one with the driver's side seat controls. I can adjust the seat back, the distance from the dashboard, the lumbar back support, and the height of the seat - personalize it , if you will. I can control my comfort to suit my needs on that particular day. If I'm wearing a bulky sweater and need a bit more room...no problem. If I feel the need to do 'the Gangsta Lean' I can do that too, by sliding the seat all the way back and sticking my elbow out the open window and blasting the Sly and Family Stone. If I accidentally drop my nail file, or flask straw in between the seat and the center console, I just move the seat back so I can shove a hanger in there and get it out.

So riddle me this Hernando, you are asked to take the car from point A to point B...why do you need to change the seat position and the radio station for the ride? Are you taking my car out for a joy ride while I am waiting patiently in the coffee store with free Wi-Fi waiting area catching up on current financial debacle on CNN?

I have had the car for two years and I have grown very fond of its adaptability to move and grow with my ass. If you feel that strongly about moving the seat - the least you can do is clean up the crap that has fallen in. And , it wouldn't hurt if you vacuum the damned thing out either. If memory serves you could have collected :

-one really nice pen that I used to keep in my purse
-two chuckie cheese tokens
-the 'arm' to a pair of Hanna Montana sunglasses
-a few melted crayons
-a paper clip or 7
-a partly used band-aid (and I say partly used 'cuz it wasn't bled on ...it was decorative in purpose only)
-about $3.37 change
-several receipts which had I not lost them, would have enabled me to put additional deductions on my tax returns thus enabling hubby and I to avoid certain financial ruin
...oh and the hanger that I lost the last time I tried to retrieve the really nice pen that I used to keep in my purse.

I'ts been well over a week - and I still can't get it back to where it is comfortable for me.
Dude, you could have kept the change, too.

Grrrrr




35 comments:

Always Home and Uncool said...

Doesn't your Honda have seat memory?

The car wash guys always jam my seat up against the steering wheel. Bastards!

Eudae-Mamia said...

LOL - do they jack with your rearview mirror as well?

Frustration!!

(trade that Honda in for a GMC like me - two-person seat memory baby!)

Mama Dawg said...

You should get that memory foam in your car seats. I hear they cup the ass oh so wonderfully.

TentCamper said...

Get a vibrating seat ....and forget all of your worries!!

I hate the bastards who mess with shit in my car!!!

Justine/Justiney/Tiney said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!! My Mazda has a cool feature where I just have to touch a button and it will go back to my preferred setting.
Bet you wish you had that feature now, eh?

Justine :o )

Cecily R said...

So riddle me this Hernando sent me into some major giggles...what a fabulous way with words you have!!! I've never had a car cool enough, or clean enough for that matter, for anyone to want to stay in it that long. This has never been much of a problem for me. :)

And thanks so much for your nice comment on my guest post at Angie's place last week!!

Heather said...

Ahhhh...brilliant. Why DO they do that?

Anonymous said...

Just wait till your teenager starts driving your car. I got back today after a short two day trip to find my wheel height, seat position, mirrors and radio stations changed. In addition, all my things that were above the visor were thrown into the back seat of the car (with the dunkin' donuts bags and empty water bottles) and there was a lip gloss hanging from the rear view mirror! The guy at the dealership or carwash has nothing on my 16 year old!Happy Motoring!

M said...

LOL - leave a note next time.

"Screwing with seat controls is an offense punishable by death"

Outnumbered2to1 said...

That's hilarious. My car guys usually do the paper thing too but lately, when I bring it in and it looks like crap inside, they don't bother wasting their paper mats. How sad is that?

The Blonde Duck said...

LOL! Don't you hate it when that happens?

angie said...

I don't get why they have to move the seat either. ARG! LOVED this! :) Thanks so much for your comments to my guest posters while I was away!

Scary Mommy said...

UGH, I totally hear you!!! I had this happen a few years ago with my Jeep and it never managed to be the same. I think you must really just get a new car. :P

Hit 40 said...

Love my pilot too!! Has 90,000 miles/six years old. I love how high above the ground/ drivers move out of my way/ no tries to mess with the bigger car. And, it can haul the whole family + friends. Usually the service place forgets to reset the service engine soon button. Sorry I went on ... but I think you understand. This car rocks!!

Susan said...

Grow with your ass? Gangsta lean? Riddle me this Hernando???

BWAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAA!

You are hysterical.

Seriously. You are.

nikkicrumpet said...

LOL...good point. They always tilt my truck steering wheel down. Freak like you can't drive it 10 feet with the steering wheel in the geek position! Great post..as usual

Brittany said...

Ok, I absolutely hate this. Unless he is 300 lbs and 7 feet tall, I don't get why he needs to adjust ANYTHING!

Yaya said...

Oh I hate when people mess with my seat settings!!!!!! Sometimes my boss and I have to trade cars and we always switch each others' seat settings and get irritated! Lol!

Fannie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Fannie said...

The seat is irritating, but the RADIO? WTF?

Rhea said...

LOL! I just had an oil change and car inspection and they messed with my seat too. Drives me NUTS.

The Blonde Duck said...

Hope you had a good holiday weekend!

Fritzie said...

Biggest.Pet.Peeve.Ever!!

Okay, maybe not the biggest .. but yeah, I echo your Grr.

Especially when people mess with my review mirror. I'm too short to reach it without sitting forward .. which means I'm leaning forward, adjusting, sitting back, realizing it's not right, adjusting again. Pissssssss!

Oh yeah .. this is Britt from Quietly Chaotic .. I moved! Come see me! =-)

Aunt Becky said...

Bwahahahahaha!

Romi said...

So true! Happens to me when I go to the dealer too.

Lula! said...

I got to "Riddle me this, Hernando" and could barely finish the rest...

FREAKIN' HYSTERICAL, Debbie.

But you are correct. We have memory seats in our Honda (the MomVan), but I swear, they never go back exactly as I had them before. Never. And having my seat messed with really puts a damper on my entire day.

I feel you. I do.

The Blonde Duck said...

Thanks for reading my post on Venus vs. Mars! :)

steenky bee said...

Maybe Hernando should have his seat adjusted too, if you know what I mean? If you don't, please don't worry, I'm not at all sure I know either.

O.G. said...

Nikki sent me over...this is hilarious. I think you have a new follower.

Mom in High Heels said...

Hilarious! Does it not have seat memory? M is always messing with my seat when he drives my car and all I have to do is push a little button and woosh, I'm slooooowwwwwlllllyyyy moving back to the perfect position. M has his own seat position button, but he'd rather mess with the seat for 10 minutes instead. Men!
When I took my Volvo (Ulrika) in to get the new maps (for Europe) uploaded into her Nav system and they jacked her all up, including changing language on EVERYTHING to German. Yeah, that's helpful. It took me so long to figure out how to change it back. But at least they wash and vacuum it before they give it back. That's a plus. BTW, I'd have had to say something like "Riddle Me this Hans" and that's just not as cool as Hernando.

DiPaola Momma said...

Fargging Bastages! Really are there no things that are sacred anymore?! Once you mess with the seat that deftly adapted to a growing mommy ass and chose to IGNORE the loot arround you, you crossed a line pal! And I'm here to tell you, WE AINT GONNA TAKE IT.. no! we aint gonna take it.. we're not gonna take it anymore! Don your D. Snider best babes and let's take back the driver's seat! GIRL POWAH

Cathy said...

Your car sounds like mine.. I preach to the kids everytime (twice a year...lol) I clean it that THIS time we are keeping it clean.. I think they are setting behind me dumping fries on the floor as I speak.

Sara's Sweet Surprise said...

Hernado said..."Ser feliz no me dejan en la estaciĆ³n de mariachi!"

Sweet wishes,
Sara

redhedpixie said...

"riddle me this Hernando"...hysterical.

Robin Costello (Delswife) said...

Wicked funny!