Thursday, August 28, 2008

I'm Baaaack!

I am back from my chick's weekend with my mom. Vegas baby! I didn't come home with piles of money. Had a great time with my mom, quality time. Lots of good talks and laughs. Wish I went home with cash and valuable prizes (usually I hit the Forum shops at Caesar's when I win for some fab shoes and maybe a purse).



As for the blog fodder, here are a few highlights:

On getting a good night's sleep: The first night we went up to the room around 1:00 a.m. , a reputable time to go to bed, for me anyway. Mom wants to talk, and talk, and talk, make coffee, have a snack, watch Law and Order, discuss politics, debate the injustice in Darfur...until about 3:30 a.m. At this point , I am so tired - I say "Mom, no more talking." She falls asleep (with the help of Tylenol PM) and then I lay there wide awake for another hour or so. Then at 6:30 in the morning, mom starts her day. I had about 1 1/2 hours of sleep that first night. But it's okay - the Vegas breakfast and carbo load....a Bloody Mary with Olives got me going for the day !



*On meeting my planned meeting Robin in the casino for a drink on Monday evening- Mom wanted me to look her name up in the phone book to see if she was real. You know, in case she really not who she said she was. I said "Mom, if I tell her to meet me holding a red flower, and an 84 year old man with a red flower comes up to me ...I don't have to say I'm me!" She's clearly watched waaay too much of John Stossle's internet porn stings.

(as it turns out, Robin's father got very ill and need emergency open heart surgery. She had a change of plans, and I totally understand. Been there and done that. And it sucked)



*On my choice of undergarments: "Are those 'pants' comfortable?" I said "I wouldn't call them comfortable in the real sense of the word. But I found myself spending the better part of the day pulling my underwear out my ass, I just figured I would just start the day with them up there to begin with. And, the bonus? No panty lines."



*On T.M.I. (too much information): Mom overhears (read: eavesdrops) (read: reads lips, as she is deaf as a doorknob) a group of sunbathers laughing and playing a card game out by the pool. One of the women picks up a pen with her toes and manages to write something on a piece of paper. Mom gets up and tells them about a time when she and dad and their travel friends went to a sex show and the performer used her...lady envelope(insert euphemism here) to pick up a pen and write a letter, peel and shoot a banana from said euphemistic body part, and make some uncommon sounds from there as well. I stood behind her, not in shock or disbelief since I knew she had seen these feats and I can believe she would tell perfect strangers this story. But I played to shock card for the purposes of embellishment and pretended to shrink in horror. It was a hoot. And she was worried about me and meeting a blog friend.



P.S. Mrs. R at Mrs. R's Diary is having a 100th post contest. I want to win. I have a lot
to make up for after 36 hours in Vegas. This counts as two extra entries? Right?



P.P.S. School started as did all my PTA (read: unpaid volunteer sucker mom involvement) I have more homework than my almost 9 year old 4th grader! I guess I am lucky I can afford to be so involved in my child's school.





Emily is going to be 9 next month. Atomic Bowling party is scheduled!
Co-ed. Oy Vey. Her best friend from camp is a boy named Andrew. He's popular, a great singer, in touch with his 9 year old feminine side, and destined to be gay. Not that's there's anything wrong with that.




Rachel starts pre-K after labor day. If I had known what the school cut offs to enter kindergarten were before I had kids - I would never have had a kid in January.






18 comments:

sassy stephanie said...

I'm in love with your mom. I wanna go to Vegas with her. Who needs tix to the major shows with entertainment like that?

M said...

Wow, I'm worn out just reading it.

Fannie Mae said...

I do not miss PTA one little bit.

Aunt Becky said...

Dude. Your mom is awesome. Can we hang out sometime?

Insane Mama said...

"Lady Envelope" OMG! your mom is hysterical. What fun to have a mom like that, she sounds like my grandma, but it seems that the fun gene skipped MY mom. Glad you are back

Mama Dawg said...

Yay! Glad you're back.

Your vacation with your mom sounds great. Glad you had a good time.

Lula! said...

Brilliant! Missed you, loved this post, you rock my world.

"Lady envelope?" OK, that's a first for me. Love. It.

I need to be friends with your mom.

Brittany said...

OMTG I could totally go to Vegas with your mom!

jill jill bo bill said...

I am so glad your back, sista. And so damn jealous you got to go to Vegas. I wanna go!!!!!

My mom is fun too, but I am pretty sure she doesn't have a clue about envelopes. It's a freakin' miracle she had 4 kids.

Cristin said...

Welcome back!! That story about your mom is THE. BEST. I would have died laughing!!!

Tiffany said...

"Not that there's anything wrong with that" Of course you love Seinfeld.

Sounds like a fun Vegas trip, I need to get my butt in gear and plan one!

Heather said...

Now I'm craving Vegas...

Black Hockey Jesus said...

I got nothing but love for the swirl girl.

I'm sorry if you feel neglected.

Plus I AM EVERYWHERE.

~BHJ

Trooper Thorn said...

Phew. That's a a lot of thoughts all at once.

Come back this week for Republican convention coverage.

The Nice One said...

LMAO about the homework thing. Yea, how is it that we end up with more homework than the kids?
I love PTA stuff, secretly. It really is fun and it's so rewarding, really ;)
Thanks for stopping by.

Mrs. S said...

thank you so much for your sweet comment on my blog today. I plan to put the money to good use (probably diapers & clothes for the kid). Your blog is so adorable; I'll have to stop by again.

Mrs. S said...

thank you so much for your sweet comment on my blog today. I plan to put the money to good use (probably diapers & clothes for the kid). Your blog is so adorable; I'll have to stop by again.

Colleen said...

I'm sorry...did you say something after the TMI? I'm still laughing at "lady envelope"!!!!