The One In Which It Sounds Like a Plan...

The little one has been asking some question lately...No - not the the average questions that most 5 year olds ask their moms like :

Mom, how come I have to eat 5 servings of fruits and vegetables a day?
(doesn't your 5 year old ask you questions like that?)


My little one asks me deep and profound questions. Querries that spark philosophical debate and some that defy explanation. And I try to answer them in a way she'd understand, careful not to "lie" (overtly anyway, and notice the word lie is in bloggy air quotes) and I try to craft my words the right way as she is sure to repeat them sometime in the future (and hopefully not in an inopportune place either) like telling the cute guy at Starbuck's that coffee makes her mom farty. And not in the diversionary way some people do either: When you ask them "What time is it?" They build you a watch.

Here's a few doozie exchanges that occurred this weekend:

Rachel: Mom, what does 'get arrested' mean?
Me: Where did you hear that expression?
Rachel: Ella Enchanted (a disney movie starring Anne Hathaway)
Me: Well, when you're a bad guy and you get caught doing that bad thing by the police, it's called getting arrested.
Rachel: Do the bad guys go to jail for ever and ever?
Me: Depends on how bad the bad thing that they did was.
Rachel: Well, when I get arrested, I'll make sure the bad thing was only medium bad.
Me: Sounds like a plan, dolly.

***

Rachel: Mom, how do you get up to heaven? **
Me: When you die, your body doesn't go to heaven...but your mind, and thoughts, and spirit and heart and feelings go to heaven.
Rachel: What happens to your body?
Me: Well, say like when you eat an apple, and if you don't throw it in the trash, it sort of gets all brown and shrivelly and rotten? That's what happens to your body.
Rachel: Eeewww. So your heart goes up to heaven?
Me: Well, not really your actual heart...but the love it has in it.
Rachel: {thinking a bit} Phew, I don't want my love to get all shrively and rotten!
Me: Sounds like a plan , Dolly.

**She clearly wasn't asking what do you have to DO to get into heaven. Some kids don't get death and dying, but she does. Plus, in Judaism - everyone goes to heaven . There is no alternative place to go. So being a good person or a bad person isn't relevant. For us, heaven is where you go after you retire from God's waiting room, otherwise known as Florida.

********
In discussing the whole Passover holiday (think: Charlton Heston in The Ten Commmandments)...which she is learning in pre-K

Rachel: Pharoah and Fair start with the same letter but are opposites!

After a king sized breakfast of Captain Crunch encrusted french toast ....(thanks Dad)

Rachel: Mom, do you know what smells can do? Smells can s-l-i-t-h-e-r (said very deliberately slowly ) under the crack under your door and through the slits in your eyes and wake you up wanting syrup!

****

Rachel: Mom, do I bet you wish you were a kid.
Me: Nope, 'cuz if I was, I wouldn't have you or Sissy .
Rachel: And you wouldn't yell, or wipe boogers or bummies .
Me: That 'bout sums it up for me, Dolly .

This was all part of the plan.

Phriday's Phavorite Photo

** Editor's note for today: Look over there to the left...No over there to the other left. I got some new bloggy bling today from Sassy at Are You Sassified. She is THE coolest blogger who has become one of my confidants. Sassy only gives this out to uber cool bloggers (like me?). Not only did she read my latest stuff, but she also went back and read just about every post I've ever done. Now there is a gal with good taste (or she just has too much time on her hands). She so totally ROCKS! Now I feel enormous pressure to live up to her expectations...go forth and Sassify.
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I just don't know what to say about this picture. Hubby took the girls on one of his 'dadventures' while mom was 'shopping' with her friend Jami (never saw a store..not even one). You know those pin sculpture thingies that Executives keep on their desks right next to their miniature Zen Gardens where you move rocks and rake sand? Well, this museum that they went to had a life size pin sculpture thingy!

The girls walked, posed, flew, jumped into it several times, and Hubby (who never brings the camera) snapped this photo with his phone. It's almost disturbing, isn't it? Emily (the bigger one) must have had her arm across her chest (I hope) because the first thing I saw on the picture was her rack! She's only 9 , and I assure you ...she is rack-less.

Leave it to snarky me to notice that....My next comment had something to do with marketing this thing as a babysitting weapon assistant.

For more Photo Phun---go visit Candid Carrie.

The One About No-things.

Just wanted to say "hola" to anyone who is visiting from SITS today! Thanks for stopping by and don't think this post in indicative of what warranted the Shout Out from Tiff and Heather! I am usually much more charming and witty and snarky.


So this weekend was a lot of No. No ballet. No Softball game. No-things to do.

A few bloggable moments....



Friday was report card day in the Conejo Valley. Emily got ALL A's! (as if I expected anything less). She made honor roll again. I am really so proud of her. Even if she didn't get all A's - this kid really worries about her grades. And, granted it's only 4th grade - but I tell her (and I really mean it) that as long as she does her absolute best....whatever grades she gets - we'd be proud of her . (read: you better get all A's - I demand perfection...snark, snark)



To celebrate the achievement - we went to the movies on Saturday. We saw "Escape to Witch Mountain " or whatever it's called. We went to the new 'big-fancy- stadium -seating -marble lobbied-game room- bar" theater that just opened here. Despite what you may or may not have heard about economic downturn, apparantly these movie theater people don't buy into that. We won't pay our mortgage in April, so we can go see "Monsters v. Aliens" next weekend. We could live in the ginormous empty bag of popcorn for a while if we don't mind a few kernels intruding our nether regions.



The movie was okay. Despite getting to look at Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson (sadly with his shirt on...and I have seen him without it at my gym and it is goooooood) for almost two hours, and a cute remake of a 70's film ('cuz there really is nothing original anymore) there was an incredible amount of blowing up stuff and some mild peril that may prove too much for littler viewers. I caught a few boo-boos that their fact checkers needed to check. Like, what ATM machine spits out $100 bills? And, what slot machines in Vegas spit out wads of cash these days? Figures I focus on those things than the whole good over evil shit. Anyway - we all enjoyed the movie and the very comfy seats and the $285.oo of family fun.



Hubby and I watched "Rachel Getting Married". Not what I expected. Edgy. Not typical Anne Hathaway, I mean - it ain' t no "ella enchanted" or anything like that. I usually dig a good junkie flick, but this one slightly missed the mark. This one had- lots of scenes without backstory. Like, what's with the saris and mystic Indian cultural stuff? It all seemed a bit pedantic to have the soon-to-be-married-multi-racial-couple dress in saris and have a sitar and and a friggin' lute in the wedding band and relatives that sing Reggea and all that - and then they are moving to Hawaii? No explanation for all that. I obsess over those things throughout the whole film...so much so that I am still wondering what the connection is and why the screenwriter felt it necessary to go that way. And what is a good rehab story without a relapse or chance of relapse or even a beating down of the monkey on your back? This flick, albeit an Oscar nominated performance for Anne (who is just so doe-eyed and just darn adorable) was just okay.



You know when think you know something to be true and just live your life for years not even thinking that the fact could be disputed? Like, we know which hand is left and which is right. Just because. We know that shoes are worn over socks not the other way around. We know that George Clooney is just about the most delicious thing to grace Hollywood since , I don't know....since ever. We just know and accept these truths to be self evident.

{Okay, Swirlgirl - where are you going with this...}

Well, I've been watching E.R. , which sadly ends it 15 year run in the next few weeks. The 'where I am going with all of this' , aside from the fact that I had no life 15 years ago ...either - is that one of my favorite characters on that show is Archie Morris. He's been on for several years and although he started out to be a dick-head...he is the humanity of the show these past few years. The actor who portrays Dr. Morris is Scott Grimes. My point (in an extremely roundabout way) is that I always knew that I knew this actor from somewhere. And I KNEW that he was a contestant on Star Search (the original with Ed McMahon) in the early 80's and he was a young red headed boy who sang amazingly well. I can 'see' him on stage singing and winning something. When he first joined the cast of E.R. 5 or so years ago, I said - "I know him! He was on Star Search!" and I rattle that info off just hoping that someday I will have to answer the Million Dollar question on some trivia show....or offer a lifeline to someone on some trivia show. I would be the hero for having provided the winning answer to the question and that person would shower me with crisp greenery......{{oops, sorry . fantasy }} So...I google him. For like hours. I search every website known to man to try to find what year he was on StarSearch. And fail miserably.

I start to question everything I have come to know to be true. I check which hand I write with (yup, the right one)...I check to make sure that my socks are indeed inside my shoes (yup, okay there)...I sneak a peak at George Clooney to make sure he still makes my heart go a-flutter (yup, flutter-flutter-drool). So where do I know Scott Grimes from? Here. Anyone who is over 30 and from the Boston area knows Community Auditions. The original reality show. Scott Grimes was on this show (he is from Lowell MA) and I vividly remember him singing and winninng the lame ass trophy ...he was "star of the day, who can it be...your're vote may hold the key - it's up to you. Tell us who...will be Star of the Day" ( theme song that I still remember vividly). So I immediately have to call my sisterbestfriend and tell her. We watched that show every Sunday and even held our own versions making up contestants who did everything from set the table to hand springs off the chair in the den to full on Lord- of -Dance- in -tap -shoe routines!

I don't know why I feel it necessary to share this with you all. I guess I just want to let you know that just because you know something to be true - don't assume it is. And, when you have No-things to do....spend 4 hours googling it to make sure that No-thing is the real thing.