Wednesday, September 9, 2009

The One In Which " #@&$! Off" Was Not An Appropriate Response

So I volunteered in my Kindergartener's class today. I love the little cherubs. Really I do. So full of wonder and hungry to learn. Like they are just amazed that the 'i' sound can either say 'eye' or 'ih' . Who woulda thunk it? Volunteering in kindergarten tap's my inner Martha Stewart because cutting laminated paper squares is about as crafty as I get...or can handle. And, yes- I use big scissors.

So we split up into centers and I am in charge of the Ten Table. On this table we have toothpicks and the kids have to count 10 toothpicks and make little designs with them. This challenge is also well within my purview...I can do 10 (okay, so it was hard to make little pictures with the sticks without breaking them in half, but I did my best. )

The kids see things differently ...more purely - so when one of the little 'Rainmen' dumped 246 sticks on the table ("82,82,82, 246...there are four left in the box") and made a campfire, I applauded his creative mind.

One little girl, who was staring intently at me - came up with this question: "Why come you face be's all like that? " She asked , taking her hand and sweeping it across her brow in an arch. I was a bit confused, and then I realized that this chick was dissin' my face. Crap - you'd think I was all totally-Mother-Theresa-type-unbotoxed-old lady wrinkly!


*Not me...not yet.

I said those were my eyebrow smiles. Then we all practiced raising our eyebrows up and down. (which I realized that most children can't do purposefully...) And I can even raise one up and down, and wiggle my ears, and roll my tongue and all kinds of other stupid people tricks. The children quickly stopped making stick pictures and started to count the lines on my forhead and around my eyes. Can't wait until they get home and tell their parents what they learned at school. Wear sunscreen kids - or you'll end up like this broad.

So my little one, who has heard me say this many times , says "Mommy, you are supposed to only make a design with 10 toothpicks. You're always wearing your 11!" ( this is what I refer to as the permanant lines between my eyebrows...my squint lines. a la this -> ^ ll ^ )

I had to laugh and just hugged her.**







**...because telling her to 'Fuck Off' was not the appropriate response.


20 comments:

Kat said...

Oh my goodness. I will get questions about my weight. Or my jiggly upper arms. And my response is that this is the way I am. And it is a good thing we all don't look exactly the same :-) But Fuck off is usually on the tip of my tongue.

The Nice One said...

LMAO.
Everyone in my house just screamed, "WHAT'S SO FUNNY MOM?" because I was laughing so rowdily.

Yeap. Kids. Gotta (i think) love 'em.

angie said...

I'm rolling.

My daughter told me the other day my legs were getting juggly. I struggled for an appropriate response........:)

Always Home and Uncool said...

OH, c'mon. They've all had access to HBO by now.

Leah Rubin said...

Glad you saw where to draw the line.

I ADORE your elevens! She's a hoot, and she's in kindergarten! Raisin' her up right, eh Mom?

Justine said...

OMG, out of the mouths of ba... BRATS! This was just too funny!

Justine :o )

Organic Meatbag said...

Hahahaha! Wow... kids have no decency... I guess that's why they're always shitting their pants...

Creepy said...

kids are such a**holes.

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, man. That was just what I needed to get my Friday started off on the right foot!

Mama Dawg said...

Oh, man. That was just what I needed to get my Friday started off on the right foot!

foxy said...

hahahaaaaa... my husband lovingly refers to my '11' as my karate chop.

LOVE the "because telling her fuck off was not appropriate" - too funny.

Fannie said...

Sweet tykes! Always say just the right thing to raise our spirits!

Big Mama Cass said...

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!! Priceless!! Kids are sooo..... honest. :( lol

Pollyanna said...

I swear my "11" is tatooed between my eyes. I don't think that area of my face has been wrinkle free since 1999. Hmmm, that's the same year I married my husband. Do you think that's a coincidence?

Ok, now I'm trying to use my fingers to smooth out that area. What's wrong with me?!?!

Anonymous said...

How about being Fluffy!!

Mike said...

Way too funny. Kids will say the darnest things and they have a great way of making you feel so loved....

Mariah said...

I swear... KIDS!! If they were not so fucking adorable i'd kill them all. Of course not yours or mine, but you know... the rest

Yaya said...

Oh kids.....

Jennee said...

haha glad you could hold your tongue. Kids say the darndest things....kids always tell me that I'm fat or want to know why I still have chicken pox on my face! Stopping in from SITS

Fancy Nancy said...

Did you get this yet? Fancy Nancy