Tuesday, January 12, 2010

the one in which she thinks e.e. cummings had a personal trainer**

So it's week 2 of the 52 to Fabulous challenge.  And while others might be motivated by their loved ones and thoughts of being around for years to come - Swirl Girl is motivated by money and...dare I say it?  Abject humiliation.

I signed up for 8 personal training sessions at my gym.  I will not waste the money.  Or if I do waste the money - I will mentally and physically beat myself up about it and therefore expend calories and get some exercise (the physical beating part) and lose weight,  And if I beat myself up about while eating directly out of the fridge  (open - bend - unwrap- bend oooh feel the burn)  the fat will really start melting away.  Either way, it looks like it's a win-win for me. 

I also signed up to participate in the gym's 12 challenge which is where the abject humiliation part comes in.  Next Monday they are going to weigh me (got crane?) ) , take measurements of all my parts (got lots of time?) and here is the kicker >>photograph me in a bathing suit (got 20's style flapper suit?) The winner of the 12 week challenge is the person who shows the most improvement, not necessarily the most weight loss.  I think I am supposed to say that it's okay to gain muscle weight - but quite frankly - it isn't.

So I went to the gym for my first training session with the 'boss'.  He worked me to the point of actual sweating and genuine hurting.  Sadistic bastard.  I used muscles I didn't know I had.  I pulled a face muscle I contorted so hard.  In fact, even my finger muscles hurt...so much so that even stretching my pinky muscle to hit the *shift* key hurts.  So to that end - I will only type in lower case letters for the rest of this post.  and no numbers either.  ouch.. i also think i will be avoiding my trade mark parenthetical expressions where i think out loud sort of like the chorus of a greek tragedy... **i think  e.e. cummings must have had a personal trainer too. 

so after the beating work out we go into the office to schedule the rest of my sessions.  at that time, he tries to match me up with a trainer who best fits my personality and will be a good motivator.  and because of all my years of sitting across a desk from someone i have become quite the skilled upside-down reader. (read: paper eaves-dropper)  i see he writes next to my name ' no skinny bitches' for this one.  hence- my new sadist trainer is named matt.  hope you can take it, dude.  i can be mean.  just ask around. 





in other news - i just want to thank Jen from Jen's Voices (and for you my dear, I will use the *shift* key and the parenthetical expressions because you deserve it!) for all the wonderful awards she has bestowed upon me.   Most recently  - she gave me the Feels Like Home award.  Go read her.  Jen just started blogging and already gets more commentors than I do.  And the popular ones too.  Her blog is full of snark, reality, humor, relatable flashbacks, and honesty.  You rock Frog!  My door is always open.


25 comments:

Cristin said...

No Skinny Bitches... what a nice guy. I couldn't handle working out (ok at all ) with a skinny bitch... a nice looking gay man would work for me.

Anna Lefler said...

You. Are. A. Stud.

I'm cheering you on!

:-D Anna

JenJen said...

yours was one of the first blogs I read when I started, and I love it here.

Kisses
RIBBIT

JenJen said...

OH!
And kick Matt's lil (tight) tush.

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Good for you! Nothing like getting whipped into shape!

publicknitting said...

I am cheering you on as well. And, I can be mean too. And very good at manipulating people out of doing what I pay them to do. You should've seen me in my piano lessons...master manipulation.

for a different kind of girl said...

Good for you! Can you imagine how awesome you're going to be feeling as you get up to that 12-week mark? And can I just say, I kind of love that he wrote that on your paperwork!

Justine said...

He did NOT really write that, did he??? If so, yikes... hard core place. Good luck. Can't wait to hear the stories throughout the next few months! Heeheehee

Justine :o )

tattytiara said...

And I just toddled over from Jen's - howdy!

You have my admiration. I'm too cheap to even pay people to spoil me, let alone make me work.

Always Home and Uncool said...

I'm a master of upside reading, too, but never read something that good.

teresamcnamara said...

I need to get to the gym. I wish you all the best with your 12 week challenge.

Jen said...

You go! I can't yet step foot in a gym. Too scared.

Moooooog35 said...

That just means more skinny bitches for the rest of us.

I see this as a win-win.

MommaKiss said...

The money will keep you going - and you'll love the results (now please remember to remind me of this when i whine about going to body pump tonight, mmm kay?)

Danielle said...

You should join the Loose it Bitches blog motivation team. There are a bunch of us supporting eachother while we loose weight and get in shape. If for no other reason, there are some good tips and recipes.

Debbie said...

At least you are trying. I just shrug my shoulders and don't ever try to work out!
Came over from SITS.

Desiree @ Writing to Sanity said...

Go, girl, go! And report back often! LOL

Aunt Becky said...

You can fucking DO it, baby.

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Diane J. said...

Oh my that's good! I can't wait to hear how it goes with Matt. If I tried to sign up for a trainer, I bet they would gather and draw straws. Heck I'd even feel sorry for the poor schmuk who got me. LOL

Way to go! You're awesome!

Claire said...

Congratulations for investing in yourself! I love the no skinny bitches. Could that be a rule for life in general?

Yaya said...

"No skinny bitches". Haha!

MommaDJane said...

That's hilarious that he actually wrote 'No Skinny Bitches' on your paper. Love it! Good luck in your next 7 sessions with Matt.

Mike said...

You might regret by week 52 not getting that skinny bitch for a trainer....

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