Friday, January 22, 2010

The One In Which She Shares What She Has Learned

I have learned that a week of rain in Southern California means the following:

  • Never buy an umbrella from the $.99 Store.  There is a reason they are selling them for under a dollar. As soon as I opened the thing, it imploded on me.  Mary Poppins, I am not.
  • My hair looks like crap all bouffy and curly.  Even though people say how great it looks - I have learned that they are just saying that because they were taught an an early age that if they didn't have anything nice to say, lie like a son-of-a-bitch.
  • People who drive like asshats when the sun is shining, which is most of the time around here, are even more asshatt-ier when it's pouring out.  Slow the hell down, whizzy whizbanger - and, no... not that's not a right turn...that's a frickin' stone wall.
  • Our kitchen ceiling is indeed not a ceiling - but a floor.  We have learned that what we thought was a leak in the upstairs shower is actually a leak in an eave roofline outside.  Let's see if State Farm is indeed a 'good neighbor' and 'there'...
  • I have learned that although I still loathe (up)Chuckee Cheese..they have wine, albeit bad wine, but wine nonetheless.  It does make that booger factory a bit more tolerable. I met a couple of other Mom's there this week to let the kids burn off some energy.  Full body douche for each child when we got home.  Funny thing is, they somehow make good pizza.  And I think their salad bar has become the final resting place for cottage cheese and 'jello salad' and those little crispy chinese noodle things.
  • Fabreeze Fabric Spray works.  My poor kid hurled all over her carpet last night.  Twice. She got the crud.  The hard part will be keeping it to herself.  Hello quarantine and Purell.
I have learned from attempt to go from Flabulous to Fabulous
  • I wish I had a penis so I could pee standing up.  Like seriously, at this moment that is the only thing I could think of doing with it if I had one.  My legs and ass muscles hurt so much the squat is ridiculously painful. 
  • People say there will come a time when I will look forward to going to the gym.  To feel  the 'burn'.  Nnnnope.  Don't see that happening.  Working out will always be a chore for me.  I hope 'People' prove me wrong.
  • Oatmeal with raisins is mighty tasty in the morning.  I am not a breakfast eater.  I have survived on coffee in the morning for many years.  I literally have to force myself to eat breakfast.  Oatmeal is easy and satisfying.  If I keep saying that over and over again, I will start to believe it.
I have also learned that Twitter seems to have killed the Bloggio-Star.
  • I think Twitter is totally fun, but I miss reading up on the lives of my Bloggy friends.  I admit to having what I consider not so interesting things to talk about lately....so sue me.  And some of my Bloggy friends who used to post every day are slowly getting sucked into the vortex and a few (dare I say?) have disappeared altogether.
  • I have fallen victim to the 'instant gratification' syndrome that Twitter and Facebook seem to have spread throughout these Interwebs.  We get out lives in short spurts these days.  You'd think if societally we were so interested in headlines. America's newspapers wouldn't be going out of business.
  • I think I have figured out the whole follow me/ follow you thing.  What I don't get is why some people follow me.  Do most people do what I do and read a funny or catchy Tweet and click on that person's Bio and see if their interests match mine?  I also seek out some Bloggy friends and follow who they follow (the same way I created my Blog Roll).  Or, do they just pile on the Followings to make their numbers (read:ego) more inflated?  Or are these new Followers the new wave on 'tele' marketers whose spambots find a key word in a Tweet and Follow me?   If I get Followed and don't Follow back, do people get offended?  I mean , if I don't know you or your blog or your friends - and I go to check you out and it's all coupons and marketing stuff -are you even a person?  For all I know, you could be a prison inmate who's getting paid a penny a Follow or something and the one with the most Follows at the end of the day gets to avoid the shiv in the yard or the short end of the soap on the roap.
In any case, Follow me on Twitter and Facebook and Network Blogs and Twitter Moms and....because I need validation.  Then I can share all that I have learned in multi-techno ways...because I need the insti-grat and have become too lazy to even write anything more than 140 characters long.

25 comments:

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

Yep, you described Southern California drivers alright. We're better off staying home.

Romi said...

Agree with you about the gym. Will never love exercise. Not an oatmeal lover either. Gagged it down today but it does keep me full. Starts my day off right and it's all downhill from there. Do chocolate chips have the same nutritional value as raisins in oatmeal? Hope so...

California drivers during Storm Watch 2010 are ridiculous.

Your Chuck E. Cheese comments made me laugh.

Em said...

So, I'm guessing even the full body douche couldn't rid the stronger-than-steel Chuck E. Cheese germs?

Poor girl. Hope she's feeling better. And not lonely in her banishment. But maybe you should give her a lick - easy 3 pounds from the barfing, and hey, no time at the gym.

Just a thought :-)

Justine said...

Oh crap. I forgot what the beginning of the post was about! Oh wait, Chuck E. Cheese. Disgusting! And I don't just mean the germ fest either. The pizza is DISGUSTING! I'm ashamed of you for even calling that pizza.

Oatmeal. Blechhhhhhhhhhhh. Sticky, gloopy, nasty stuff. Jimmy eats it every morning, with raisins and whatever kind of nuts we have in the house.

Justine :o )

Aunt Becky said...

I'm a blogging dinosaur and I'm still all "I miss people REALLY blogging." I like Twitter, I love bloggers. The good ones, I mean. Like you.

JenJen said...

I like it here. In blogland. 140 characters isn't enough for me to say anything meaningful (and I guess you could argue that the infinite space available on my blog isn't used for meaningful drivel, either, but it's mine...)so I used Twitter for lil updates.

Joy said...

I'm on Twitter, but I'm not on Twitter. I'm surprised anyone follows me on Twitter at all; I might tweet once a month if I'm lucky.

Stopping by from SITS roll call!

Miz Dinah said...

Hahaha...asshats! What does an asshat look like, anyway? I can't believe Chuck E Cheese in the US serves alcohol. We were shocked when we visited one in California. Not that it doesn't make sense, it's just weird that they would serve it in a place that caters to kids (but then again, that makes the other side of the argument too!) Bummer about your rain. Up here we call it liquid sunshine!

~Miz Dinah from the Wet Coast, BC, Canada

Wishful Nals said...

what a lovely post! have a wonderful weekend. xo

HappyHourSue said...

Wait. Wait. Back up. Chuck E Cheese has WINE??????? So I spent all those hours from hell making small talk with I-Can't-Remember-Whose-Mom-You-Are SOBER when I could've been BUZZED??????? Ugh.

Rachel Cotterill said...

Wow, you learnt a LOT of stuff! ;)

I'm going to follow your blog because you made me laugh... you're welcome to come over & return the favour, but don't feel obliged :p (You already visited via SITS this afternoon - thanks :) )

Amber Page Writes said...

I do tweet, and follow bunches of people on twitter, but they'll never substitute for real blogs, for me.

Funny post.

Cristin said...

I will never enjoy going to the gym either... so I suppose I need to learn to enjoy my ginormous arse.

Never been to Chuck E Cheese, but you say they have wine? May have to check out old Chucklehead afterall.

I don't Twitter. Don't read Tweets.

But I'll still read your blog Swirly.

Soxy Deb said...

WINE?!?!?! I just talked my SIL out of a bday party there and I could have gone and had WINE?!?!
Shit! Why am I always the last to know these things?!?!?!?

for a different kind of girl said...

My youngest has a bday soon and I am happy to say we will be at a food/arcade place that IS NOT Chuck's! I got wicked sick there the last time!

Also, I wish I had a penis, too. All this healthy eating and water drinking has me racing to the bathroom! I could use the efficiency!

La Jolla Mom said...

Amen SITsta! It kinda was one of "those" weeks for me down here with the rain and all. I just read somewhere that it's National Oatmeal Month (???) whatever that means. I'm guilty of too much Twitter. Hence spending today catching up on blogs I like!

Anonymous said...

Wine at CC? You did mean to say rotgut at CC's...now that make sense! Down in South Beach the Burger King is selling beer. Its the latest Facebook sensation on the kids pages....Trip to MIA soon!
Poor Em....tell her to remember this feeling in about 6 years!

Trooper Thorn said...

Chuckey Cheese in Canada has no alcohol. It is unbearable.

MommaKiss said...

love the list of things learned. most notably the 'sitting to pee after a tough gym class' Or walking up stairs. Or down them. Or walking in general...

Erin said...

Well I decided to follow you on twitter (id = eyonish) because you made me laugh with the whole needing a penis to pee thought.

I started the HELL that is CROSSFIT last year and even though I hate it...I love what it has done for me. Good luck on your workouts...they will get easier but you still might hate it. I do.

Just stopping by from SITS...have a great one!

Erin

Kat said...

I will never love to exercise. Or to like oatmeal. Or yogurt for that matter.

And I know that I don't blog like I used to. I am trying to get my act together but books keep calling my name. They are pretty loud.

angie said...

I'm pretty sure I follow you everywhere.

Wasn't the rain wild last week? We actually had to drain our pool before it overflowed.

And we had to buy umbrellas. Who owns an umbrella in CA? :)

Meanbean said...

"and have become too lazy to even write anything more than 140 characters long."

Lies! this post was like, eleventybillion characters long :)

I learned alot about you in this post, and so now, I'm following you!

Miranda said...

I have to say - I'm a follower and I read every new post you put up. I may not comment all the time, but I at least read the people I follow. Do my followers read me? I have no idea...

lol

~M

Adrian's Crazy Life said...

I hear you about Twitter. It's like meth or something. You just get sucked in and there's no going back. I've done better with prescheduling my posts, but my blog visits are getting fewer and farther between as are my trips to Facebook.

And the weird Followers - what is up with that? I just block, block, block all day long. If they are a Mom or a blogger, I'll usually keep them even if I'm not crazy about them, but if they're a guy or a business, over the side they go. I don't want them listening in to all my gab with my friends. Ewwww.