I'll Take Some Dumb Luck and a Side Of Eggroll

O How I wish you were some dish at an exotic Chinese Restaurant.

I know there are people out there with waaaay more shit to deal with than I do. And I am just being a brat with my kvetching about stupid shit. But it's my shit and I want to kvetch.


Just my Dumb Luck illustration #1:

Our state is out of money. So our cops are out there in full force hiding behind trees writing tickets for every possible infraction they can. Sure - I took a right on red on a street that I have taken about a cajillion times (that means I have wronged -on- red about a cajillion times). And my dumb luck? Motorcycle cop hiding lying in wait busted me. "Mea Culpa, Occifer." I honestly didn't know it was a 'no right on red' from the inside turn lane. Swearz. My bad. But while you were writing my ticket...about 24 cars whizzed past us. And - of those 24 cars , about 21 of those drivers were talking on their cell phones...with phone in hand. So you coulda made quota off these guys then the measly $35 infraction that my 'wronging -on-red' racked up. Not only do I get whacked for the ticket, but I wind up having to pay $203 (for a $35 crime) because the Legislators tack on all kinds additional fees (according to the courthouse employee I spoke to today). So I'll pay my fine and promise to heed the traffic signs and do everything right as I always (try) to do and hope I don't get hit by the 21 (with my Dumb Luck uninsured) drivers talking on their cell phones





Just my Dumb Luck illustration #2:



I pay about $550 a year for Homeowner Warranty. My Dumb Luck experience tells me that the moment my warranty runs out - the shit will hit the fan. My washing machine stopped draining water. I call Warranty company...they send out a guy (total aside: why are all the contractors sent out by said company named Vlad and from Russia or the Ukraine? discuss) who replaces the pump. It works great for him. He leaves...and later I run a load of wash and guess what? You got it. Full of water. I call them back , Vlad comes back out...runs a load. It works for him. Next day...guess what my dumb luck left in the washing machine? Yup. 3 inches of water. I call the company again and they say Vlad isn't available until Wednesday. I say " Can you send someone else?" They say "No, we send the same technician because he knows what he did " I say - "well, since he's been here twice and I still have water in my washing machine, maybe he doesn't." You see, it's comments like this that don't warrant pleasantries for me. I gotta work on that. "Tell Vlad, Wednesday's good."

I have three weeks until I have to renew the Warranty. Not counting the shower (not covered )and the outdoor electrical (also not covered) how many more things can go wrong??
...hmmmm. Before I fill that half empty glass with a nice Pinot Noir, lemme whip out the checkbook. My Dumb Luck tells me it will be all the things will fall apart are those things in the 'exclusions to warranty' section of my contract anyway.

Dumb Luck Illustration #3:

Speaking of protection ...I had a virus about a year and half ago. A worm that infected my desktop and ate up all my shit. Two visits from the GeekSquad and $350 later...all is well. Then just yesterday, I was on Facebook and the screen goes all wonky and throws out words like Trojan and Worm and Infected (which I immediately chuckle because I thought Trojan's were things that are supposed to protect your 'worm' against viruses) and my personal life is compromised and ....crap. My Dumb Luck, you ask? The Spyware that my Geek who Squaded installed here expired about 3 months ago. Fargin Icehole.

Okay - so maybe I haven't always been the biggest believer in luck. I know, I know...I have always been a naysayer and a 'glass half emtpy' kind of person. When life has given me lemons what have I done? Instead of making lemonade , I have historically sucked the pulp and chewed the pits and all until I was a shrivelled puckered up sour-puss which is why I have permenant lines from wincing and pursing my Doubting Thomas (aka angry ) eyebrows. (Lovingly referred to as my 11 (picture this ^"^) until my daughter pointed out that I should call it my 111 which would make it look more like ^"'^ ) . I have seriously considered getting Botox to get rid of my 'experience lines' ...but with my Dumb Luck - I'll get the botulism kind instead of the cosmetic kind.

But I just have to say ...I have had just about enough of you lately. So next time - hold the eggroll.