Called Dr. yesterday at the two week med mark. Feeling lousy. He upped the dose of synthroid to 25mcg per day. I have had a chronic headache for about 5 days now. So tired I had to come home and just close my eyes for an hour this afternoon.
What's worse is the ....mucus drip in the back of my throat. There goes another onomatopeaic word. It sounds like it is. Couldn't it be called jasmine or something inviting?? I don't know whether or not it is from intubation or the actual surgery - but I can't stand it. I went to CVS today to buy that Mucinex - you know, that stuff from the cartoon commercial with little mucus loogy army guys marching through someone's chest? Well, who woulda thunk it, but you need a twelve step program pass to buy this stuff. Apparantly, you can make methamphetamine with it, so you have to show I.D, have your license scanned , and can only buy it once every 30 days or something silly like that. There is a data base in California that tracks purchases of it to prevent abuse.
And to think for tracking meth usage, our public schools are losing millions of dollars and we are going to have to close two elementary schools in our district in the next year. I wish I could actually expectorate one of these little lovelies all the way to Sacramento. Put that in your commercial Governator!
Anyway, I hope it works, because the sleepless nights and very sleepy days are wearing on me something fierce. This evening I actually carried my youngest daughter for about 150 feet. I know it doesn't sound like a big deal, but it was. And, yes, my foot fell asleep. And, yes, my hands fell asleep - but I could do it. First time in 6 weeks. I had to wait a few minutes once I put her down for things to wake up so I could drive, but she appreciated the carry. So did I.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
Friday, March 7, 2008
Today is a big day for me....
You can tell how really mundane your life is by life's little daily accomplishments.
Today is a big day for me. I blew dry my own hair for the first time in months.
Stop the presses - she blew dry her own hair. Wowee wow-wow. I didn't solve world hunger. I didn't settle our economic recession. I just took a friggin' shower and managed to stand up for 45 minutes and blew dry my fuzzy headed self.
Day 7 of synthroid. I think I need more. I am sleeping fairly well. Hard and deep when I actually do fall asleep. I am irritable, but that could just be a sign that I am returning to pre-op state. Skin is dry and patchy. Arms and legs fall asleep too easily. The scar is healing nicely, though. My voice is very strained and I wonder if I will ever be able to sing or shout with joy (or anger)again. Was there damage to the vocal chords or is this normal almost 3 weeks after surgery?
I also should put things in proper perspective. A friend's mother suffered an aneurysm and who -although she won't be playing golf any time soon, drives a mean golf cart against all odds that she would ever do so. Another whose mom had a brain tumor and wasn't supposed to live (doctor's actually told them to give up hope) who just got a day pass from her rehab center to attend a dance recital with her brother Kurt Russell - yes, shamless plug at a California brush with greatnesss. A cousin whose husband got a bad prostate PSA level and has to go in for a biopsy. Every day I hear about these things. Every friggin' day.
I guess I should revel in the little things that just a week or two ago seemed like big challenges to me. And, as today is a big day for me, I will.
Today is a big day for me. I blew dry my own hair for the first time in months.
Stop the presses - she blew dry her own hair. Wowee wow-wow. I didn't solve world hunger. I didn't settle our economic recession. I just took a friggin' shower and managed to stand up for 45 minutes and blew dry my fuzzy headed self.
Day 7 of synthroid. I think I need more. I am sleeping fairly well. Hard and deep when I actually do fall asleep. I am irritable, but that could just be a sign that I am returning to pre-op state. Skin is dry and patchy. Arms and legs fall asleep too easily. The scar is healing nicely, though. My voice is very strained and I wonder if I will ever be able to sing or shout with joy (or anger)again. Was there damage to the vocal chords or is this normal almost 3 weeks after surgery?
I also should put things in proper perspective. A friend's mother suffered an aneurysm and who -although she won't be playing golf any time soon, drives a mean golf cart against all odds that she would ever do so. Another whose mom had a brain tumor and wasn't supposed to live (doctor's actually told them to give up hope) who just got a day pass from her rehab center to attend a dance recital with her brother Kurt Russell - yes, shamless plug at a California brush with greatnesss. A cousin whose husband got a bad prostate PSA level and has to go in for a biopsy. Every day I hear about these things. Every friggin' day.
I guess I should revel in the little things that just a week or two ago seemed like big challenges to me. And, as today is a big day for me, I will.
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Hormones, that's my out -
So the fear has subsided....now I am just feeling sorry for myself.
I am blaming that on the lack of hormone in my system. I just started the Synthroid - and the Dr. says that it will take about a month to fully feel the effects. You start with a little bit and then over the next few months, we will work to discover the proper dose. And considering I didn't have any underactive hormone issues before all this happened - I am not sure what to expect.
I can deal with that. I can take a little pill every day, considering the alternative! I should be relieved and elated. No D.A.C. anymore. No further treatment. Whew!
Why the feeling sorry for myself? I still feel like crap physically. I am tingly. I have these twitchy muscle spasms. I feel like I am wading through mud with my hands. Not like over cooked meat anymore (thank god - that was like a surreal horror movie.), but just like I am plodding. I am more short tempered than usual. Notice I say - more than usual - because I am a generally short tempered person. Just ask my kid. I have no patience. But it seems these past few days I am short tempered and ornery(er).
I mean - here I am - with a terrific kid, who by all accounts is just a kid who does stupid kid shit - and I am yelling at her....or straining to yell, as my voice is still off. Which reminds me of when my dad had polyps on his vocal cords (or was it his thyroid gland?) about 30 years ago. He had a Frankenstein scar (like me) and couldn't yell. We (3) kids thought it was so cool that we could piss him off and he couldn't yell....Anyway, I feel guilty for feeling lousy, which makes me feel even more lousy, and right when I am in the middle of feeling sorry for myself - one of the kids will do something that pisses me off, and the whole cycle starts again.
This past weekend, we had the last soccer game of the season, then a bowling party. I went. I bowled. I couldn't hear anything and nobody could hear me. But I went. Then on Sunday, I couldn't even get up. I tried. I don't event think I rolled over. I slept most of the day. Wish I could say it was refreshing, but it wasn't. Happy friggin' birds chirping. Blast that kid and his basketball. What kind of dad builds a court in his backyard for his son and doesn't put it on the street like normal people? Damn that other kid who got a drum set for Christmas and actually uses it. Living in suburbia in our little P.U.D. (planned urban development) really bites sometimes.
I am back to driving here and there and everywhere. I try to do it with a smile on my puffy little face, but I just feel like crap. But - onward I plod. I have trouble concentrating. Feeling kind of weepy. Jeez, I hope it's just the hormone or lack of it.
Come to think of it, for years - I have been blaming my proverbial 'mood' on my hormones. First I had PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome ) to blame it on. Then PPMD ( the super baaad actual menstrual syndrome) - then goodbye uterus and so no more of that! Now I can blame it on the thyroid hormone! God forbid I should take responsibility for my actions...or at the very least just admit that I am a somewhat bitchy person.
What will happen when menopause rears its ugly head?
I am blaming that on the lack of hormone in my system. I just started the Synthroid - and the Dr. says that it will take about a month to fully feel the effects. You start with a little bit and then over the next few months, we will work to discover the proper dose. And considering I didn't have any underactive hormone issues before all this happened - I am not sure what to expect.
I can deal with that. I can take a little pill every day, considering the alternative! I should be relieved and elated. No D.A.C. anymore. No further treatment. Whew!
Why the feeling sorry for myself? I still feel like crap physically. I am tingly. I have these twitchy muscle spasms. I feel like I am wading through mud with my hands. Not like over cooked meat anymore (thank god - that was like a surreal horror movie.), but just like I am plodding. I am more short tempered than usual. Notice I say - more than usual - because I am a generally short tempered person. Just ask my kid. I have no patience. But it seems these past few days I am short tempered and ornery(er).
I mean - here I am - with a terrific kid, who by all accounts is just a kid who does stupid kid shit - and I am yelling at her....or straining to yell, as my voice is still off. Which reminds me of when my dad had polyps on his vocal cords (or was it his thyroid gland?) about 30 years ago. He had a Frankenstein scar (like me) and couldn't yell. We (3) kids thought it was so cool that we could piss him off and he couldn't yell....Anyway, I feel guilty for feeling lousy, which makes me feel even more lousy, and right when I am in the middle of feeling sorry for myself - one of the kids will do something that pisses me off, and the whole cycle starts again.
This past weekend, we had the last soccer game of the season, then a bowling party. I went. I bowled. I couldn't hear anything and nobody could hear me. But I went. Then on Sunday, I couldn't even get up. I tried. I don't event think I rolled over. I slept most of the day. Wish I could say it was refreshing, but it wasn't. Happy friggin' birds chirping. Blast that kid and his basketball. What kind of dad builds a court in his backyard for his son and doesn't put it on the street like normal people? Damn that other kid who got a drum set for Christmas and actually uses it. Living in suburbia in our little P.U.D. (planned urban development) really bites sometimes.
I am back to driving here and there and everywhere. I try to do it with a smile on my puffy little face, but I just feel like crap. But - onward I plod. I have trouble concentrating. Feeling kind of weepy. Jeez, I hope it's just the hormone or lack of it.
Come to think of it, for years - I have been blaming my proverbial 'mood' on my hormones. First I had PMS (pre-menstrual syndrome ) to blame it on. Then PPMD ( the super baaad actual menstrual syndrome) - then goodbye uterus and so no more of that! Now I can blame it on the thyroid hormone! God forbid I should take responsibility for my actions...or at the very least just admit that I am a somewhat bitchy person.
What will happen when menopause rears its ugly head?
Joy, Rapture. Sorry hubby. I apologize now. Hormones, that's my out.
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