Saturday, February 20, 2010

The One in Which She Has Too Much Ability

When my kid had the stomach flu for two days, she didn't eat much, the poor thing. After she felt better - all she wanted was a cheeseburger. She said "It's not so much that I am craving the flavor of the cheeseburger, Mom. I can live without that. It's that I am craving the ability to eat it! That's what I can't live without!" That about sums up the past 40+ years of eating habits for me.

No will power and too much ability.

I have always craved eating.  Not the food per se, or the flavors -  but the action of the eating itself.   I crave textures and temperatures.   Sometimes I feel like eating something with my fingers. (who doesn't love licking their fingers after downing an entire bag  a handful of processed cheese-food covered Cheetos?)  Sometimes I feel like eating something with chopsticks. (sushi, really good Ramen, anyone?)  Sometimes I feel like crunching, slurping, sipping my craving, while other times I feel like noshing and grazing it.  And yes, I do crave a good chew now and then.  Sometimes I just want to masticate on a well marbled , perfectly seasoned steak.  And don't even get me going on lamb chops...Mmmm, Mmmm goooooood.

I have always said that I'd rather take 100 bites of 100 different things than 100 bites of one thing.  I love the whole concept of 'small plate' dining.  And don't be confused by that term 'small plate' - it has nothing to do with portion control.  When one goes to a Tapas restaurant like this one and eats the entire menu...there is nothing controlled about that!  You just think you are eating less because you only have a tiny little plate in front of you and maybe a little bamboo skewer to spear your teeny tiny 'papas canarias' (teeny tiny salty wrinkly potatos with a mojo verde dipping sauce) you have the air of being a dainty eater..but the ability of a Sumo wrestler carbing up before the next match.   And don't even get me started on those 'philly cheese steaks' (individual salty puffs of crunchy air bread with hot, oozy cheese inside covered in a super thin slice of just seared Wagu beef).  Texture and temperature - I'm salivating at the memory as I type.

But don't get me wrong - I am not a buffet lover.  As it would seem that I would enjoy the options that a buffet could offer; I eat with my eyes , and there is nothing appealing about seeing globs of food splayed in even even the fanciest of chafing dishes.  Not that I wouldn't eat at a buffet restaurant, but given other options, I would opt out. 

It really sucks being a good cook - and even worse being married to one.  Our children have grown up on 3 or 4 course meals.  Their favorite foods run the gamut from hot dogs to rack of lamb.  When asked "what do you want for lunch?' they have been known to shout out things like " a simple charcuterie and triple creme Brie , please!"  When (and if ) they eat chicken fingers and boxed mac and cheese, they consider it a treat.  And doing so is tantamount to eating out...since they don't get that stuff around here.  (not that I am knocking prepared foods by any means...but my damned ability to cook has spoiled my kids)

In this , the year of me going from Flabulous to Fabulous  (and so far I am living up to my end of the bargain.  What about you thighs..I mean you guys?) I have managed to stave off some of those cravings.  I am trying to prepare meals that satisfy my need to become physically involved with my food.  In fact, it is a little known fact that if you eat directly out of the refrigerator {substitute pantry, or kid's lunchbox, or grocery store bags} you will lose weight since you are expending energy with all that bending, tearing open, and devouring; thus, burning unwanted calories and satisfying the required physical exertion required in any healthy diet and exercise plan.


*definition of overboard for a family of 4?


Part of my plan is to redefine my Abilily.  Because there really is such a thing as too much for your own good. 



10 comments:

Scott said...

you crack me up

Scary Mommy said...

I cannot wait to have a meal with you one day-- I'm all over the 100 bites thing!

Chocolate Covered Daydreams said...

I love the idea of eating directly out of the fridge, especially if it means that I lose weight!

Cristin said...

I don't have a very sophisticated palate...I'm picky and like plain foods... the problem is that they are not the healthiest things, and I like them A LOT.

MommaKiss said...

you impress me (and sorta scare me) with your cooking ability. And SCORE that your kids love that food, too!

now - tell your thighs to tell my thighs to drop & give me 20. Squats, that is. hell, make it 50!

Justine said...

Holy cow, what IS that you were preparing there? It almost looks too pretty to eat! But hell, I'd eat it anyway. Unless it's raw. I don't do the sushi thing.

I have to say, you're looking wonderful! Have you lost a lot?

You make eating sound more like a sexual experience!

Justine :o )

Andrea said...

Now I have no idea what to serve you when you come over -the pressure!!! how about 100 bites of different pizzas!

オテモヤン said...

オナニー
逆援助
SEX
フェラチオ
ソープ
逆援助
出張ホスト
手コキ
おっぱい
フェラチオ
中出し
セックス
デリヘル
包茎
逆援
性欲

Big Mama Cass said...

Wow, soooo what time is dinner? Should I bring wine? *grin*

angie said...

I like your ability.

Now. I can help you with those plates for a family of 4. When should I arrive? :)