Monday, October 27, 2008

It's (Women's) Business Time

The questions are coming faster than I can deflect them. I have tried to answer (read: avoid) them in a meaningful way - but I can' t do it anymore without going to that place I have been afraid to go. She is only 9 , I know - but things are different these days. I mean, have you seen the 4th grade lately? They are not little girls anymore. There are belly shirts, and heels and little boobs budding everywhere. I realize that every mom and grammy reading this (especially one that I can think of, two if I count my sister) is saying - 'been there , done that' with their daughters - but this is me and my blog...so it is infinitely more important than anyone else's experiences on this subject.


{{cue flashback music and wiggly wavy things }}

Mom was driving me to a party. A boy-girl party at Brian Brady's house. In the basement with Elton John's 'Goodbye Yellow Brick Road and Terry Jacks' 'Seasons in the Sun' playing on the record player. His parents were upstairs while we - the 4th grade class of Heminway Elementary School in Framingham, MA - were about to embark on our first co-ed birthday party. And I have to say - I like liked him. And, I was one of the popular girls in 4th grade. And he like liked me back.

So mom is driving me to his house. I am all dolled up in my Huck-a-poo shirt and Jordache jeans. (BTW - this was the only time in my life I could actually fit into designer jeans) Love's Baby Soft roll on lip gloss tucked stealthily in my back pocket right along side of David Stacy's comb (okay, so I liked Brian Brady first and David Stacy was second on my list) and my mom says to me "You know, you don't have to do anything you don't want to."

{{flashback over}}

That. was. it. The extent of my 'the talk' with my mom. I don't recall her ever having sat me down and having the all important 'conversation' with me about the changes in my body and my emotions and ... you know.

So the 9 year has asked "Mom, what is puberty?" and I said "It sucks, wanna ice cream?" (deflect and re-interest NOW) and she has asked what neutering is (when we were watching the Animal Planet once) and I said " Let's see what's on Disney channel and wanna ice cream?". All this deflecting has done has been to delay the inevitable and cause me to gain a few unwanted ice cream pounds.

So I broke down and scoured the shelves of Border's for the right book. Oh sure, once I was in High School - I had 'Our Bodies, Ourselves' loaned to me by my friend Jodi who is the 3rd of 4 girls in the family. The 9 year old is too young for that at the moment. But I need something to help open the floor to questions without raising any unwanted ones...and I found the right mix of cartoon and credibility. Straight talk about first bras, first periods and the changing body.

Our girls have see us naked all the time. In fact, one of the funniest things the 9 year old ever said to me was when she was about 4 and in the shower with me helping me shave my legs while I was very pregnant with the now 4 year old (conserving water no...to lazy and huge to do it myself , yes) she looked down and up , down and up at my very different unmanicured, wet and naked body and said "Mom, your feathers are dirty!" There is chapter in this book that I think is actually titled "Your Feathers Are Dirty" This was a bright kid .


So the 9 year old reads the whole thing in like 45 minutes (crap!) and decides that we, like the author, should have "Women's Business Time" once a week. The first meeting was this past Sunday. In her oh, so grown up voice- she sits me down (on her bed , right next to the 27 Webkins and assorted stuffed animals and I have to take the eraser out of the bottom of my foot and give her some shit about what a pigsty her room is first) and we have the first session. Using the book as a point of reference, we go over the first bra stuff. Easy enough.

Moving to the touchy stuff now. I start with "You know honey, a period is not just a punctuation mark....it's actually a lot more than that. " She comes right back with - "So it says I should get used to blood on my sheets." " How do you know when it's coming?" " Will I get zits and stuff?" " Is that what all those mommy bandaids were for?" "You had a hysterctomy so you don't have periods anymore, right?" "How do you know which ovary is releasing the egg?" All good questions...this is a bright kid.

I take the experiential stance at this point and look to graphics in the book to explain what a period is biologically, how often it comes, and I am thinking this is a good thing. We talk a little more about some of the emotional issues that are starting to pop up and Hubby calls us for dinner (phew - thank you, thank, thank you Hubby). It is then decided that we should have the "Women's Business Time" at the same time next week. Done.

Later that evening - she asks me "So , if the egg doesn't get fertilized each month, you get a period right? What if the egg is fertilized?" I respond by saying - "Well, then, you are pregnant if the egg is fertilized"

...and then she pops the big one - the big gulping, seat squirming question ....
"How does the egg get fertilized, Mommy?"

{{cue flashback music and wiggly wavy thing}}

I played 2 minutes in the closet and let some kid named Doug something or other - who was not even on my 'like list' - play chicken with me and he felt me up. We kissed with our mouths closed and moved our heads back and forth mushing our lips together and he put his sweaty hand on my Huck-a-poo shirted boob. And for the record, I was one of the 'developed' girls in 4th grade so lucky Doug. (I wonder if he is sitting somewhere with his 4th grade daughter remembering his first boy -girl party.....nyaaaah.) What can I say? Once a slut always a slut.

{{end flashback}}

I say to her "It's business time, women's business time."

....next week.

35 comments:

DysFUNctional Mom said...

My oldest daughter still doesn't dress like a hoochie and she's almost 13, and only over my dead body will she ever leave my house with body parts hanging out. Hubby and I saw a very young girl this weekend with shorts on that were barely bigger than panties. WTH??
Here was my sex talk from my mom: YOu KNOW you're not supposed to "do anything" until you're married, but if you do, YOU BETTER NOT GET PREGNANT." The End.

TattooedMinivanMom said...

Not looking forward to that stuff...my baby's only 7 but my hubby's already planning on getting a shot gun to "clean" when boys TRY to come over.

The Blonde Duck said...

That makes me cringe and flashback to the talk my mom gave me.....uggghhhhh. I had so many hang ups because she told me that men didn't like kissing, they just want to get a woman in bed that way.

Excuse me. I need a shower.

Mama Dawg said...

I feel ya. Mine (at age 6) asked about sex and I was so undone, I told her.

Of course, she's forgotten most of it by now so we'll have to do it all over again. She's known about periods and breasts and bras for a long time now. Not much gets by her.

Anna Lefler said...

OMG, my daughter is about to turn 10 and I'm right there with you. That looks like a great book. We've been having lots of talks but I know she'd love to have something to pore over with her flashlight at night with all the nitty gritty.

* sigh *

There's just so much to tell them, yes?

Awesome post!

:^) Anna

Tulsi said...

I'm just saying hi from SITS. My 14 year old daughter won't wear clothing without sleeves. She hates shoulders. A boy doesn't seem to have as many clothing issues. He is in Army Basic Training right now and spent $500 in cloths so he likes to look GOOD, but not with pants hanging down to show the undies. My married daughter has a cow about some things and I can't help myself when I see her hating what she wore in her former life. I have to mention......remember when?

Tiffany said...

Oh girl. You handled this so well. I love that she wants to talk to you about it.

Yeah, once a slut always a slut. We did 6 minutes in heaven.

Kay said...

Yikes!

My mom gave me the talk when I was very very very young because I asked.

Once a slut, always a slut... indeed.

I thnk you did a great job... good luck with the rest of it! :)

Kat said...

Katie has the American Girl book. And when I got it for her, I swear that she read it in one sitting as well. But she informed me that she had no further questions :-)

On the other had, we've already had the sex talk. And I've blogged about it.

How many more days until your meeting??

Tracy Griffin - Artist said...

Hello! Just dropping by from SITS! I totally love your blog AND wine! My son is 19 next month and has never once worn his pants below his waistline! Thank GOD!

Jodi said...

Wow! I have to say your memory is unbelievable. Jordache jeans I have heard mentioned over the years. But Huck-a-poo shirts? Holy flashback, Batman! What, no Bonnie Belle Lipsmackers in the back pocket? And David Stacey's comb!?!? LOL!!! I actually remember that. And I remember Bryan Brady, too. :)

And while we had 'Our Bodies, Ourselves' floating around in my house of 4 girls, I got NO TALK WHATSOVER. I got handed a little paperback type of book - but not even paperback - more like a multi page pamphlet with staples down the binding - that basically covered all the bases (no pun intended). I don't recall the name of it - something very sterile I'm sure, but I do remember it was white and orange.

And when my mom took me to the ObGyn to put me on birth control pills for my acne, she said, (and I quote, as I'll never forget this) "This doesn't give you the license to screw". Poor mom, too late with that warning. Once a slut, always a slut....

As for my talks with Hayley - is it bad that I don't remember having 'THE talk'? I don't think she had any questions at a pre-pubescent age. They started attending health classes as part of their school curriculum, and they covered this stuff. I think I just told her if she had questions beyond what was being covered in class, I was happy to talk to her about it. But she never really did.

Mer said...

I think I'll stick with the "It sucks. Lets go have icecream" defense. ;)

Jenny said...

You are brave, I so admire your willingness to be honest with your girl. 9 does seem like too young, but you don't want to wait until "too old." Your girl IS smart, my goodness! Mine is four, she has asked some questions and now I know why my parents didn't have the talk with me, it's REALLY tough. Keep it up!! BTW - love the woman time meeting. :)

Tootsie Farklepants said...

That's it. I'm just going to go ahead and sew my daughter's knees together in 3rd grade.

p.s. my word verification is "herips". My brain read something else.

sassy stephanie said...

Omgosh. No. Please don't tell me this. Mine is almost 8, which means it is near for us too. No, wait. It can't be. I still see her in her little pink onesie in diapers. Go away puberty.

Tracy Griffin - Artist said...

Thanks for the tip on offering a give-a-way! LOVE that idea!

M said...

Oh yeah, I am SOOO not ready for that either.

I bought a book called "It's Not the Stork" and it took me like almost a year to give it to the kid.

I honestly had zero talking with my mom, no boy talk, no period talk, no bc talk, no nothing.

I want her to be able to ask me anything but I know I'm gonna go all squirmy and stuttery when she does.

Lula! said...

I am NOT ready for this. Not.

We must have been skanks, 'cause our minutes in heaven were longer than yours...7, baby. Sigh...

manic mariah said...

I had THE TALK with my older one, but It was way too shallow and she tells me that all the time. SO, the next two are getting in depth conversations. My oldest really wishes I was clearer on stuff.

NOT a fun topic. Especially if your kid(s) are not wanting to talk about it

Fannie said...

Oh lordy do I remember the "TALKS". My mantra was only answer the questions asked and only in the briefest possible way!

Heh - my word verification is "groin"!

Fannie said...

Oh lordy do I remember the "TALKS". My mantra was only answer the questions asked and only in the briefest possible way!

Heh - my word verification is "groin"!

The Nice One said...

Oh yea, that is the punchline. "how does the daddy put the seed in?"

Uhhhh...ooooh...ummm...Aaaahchoo! Oooh my contacts, where'd they go?

Romi said...

I don't envy you one bit. I think your ice cream deflection is a great tactic!

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

I think this is a moment that we mom's all look foward to...

Here's how it went down at OUR house.

http://hottublizzy.blogspot.com/2008/07/mommy-why-do-girls-or-how-to-traumatize.html

nikkicrumpet said...

This post is so adorable, funny, heart warming, and squirmy all in one. I remember my "sex" talk from my mom came the week AFTER the honeymoon...gee thanks mom! I think what you're doing is smart, brave, and the best thing in the world for your beautiful and bright daughter. YAY YOU! and the bonus is we all get to sit back, laugh and watch you squirm!

HappyHourSue said...

I got my 11 year old 2 American Girl (really) books: "The Care and Keeping of You" and "The Feelings Book". Both really good, direct and well illustrated but fun.

Had to laugh becasue "Business Time" is one of my favorite Flight of the Conchords songs:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kHOSEcmZvG8

Tenakim said...

you will be 'booed' on my Friday post- beware!

John said...

Online Viagra resource containing quality information on Erectile Dysfunction, Impotence, Viagra News, Viagra Usage, Viagra Forum etc to help you understand the most effective treatment available for Erectile Dysfunction(Impotence)http://www.viagracare.com

Cristin said...

best post ever. I'm going to print this out and save it for when Dottie is older, much much much older... like 30.

'Once a slut always a slut' I snort laughed at that.

Robin said...

I'll have to remember that book in a few years. Good post.

Kelly said...

I have yet to have the "talk" with my 10 year old daughter. I'm on a diet so going for ice cream is just not going to work. I bought her the American Girl guide to grooming or something stupid like that...I was looking at some anonymous author to teach my kid....*SIGH* I guess I'll have to go out and look into the book you found.

Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge said...

Super cute post. Good for you - taking the bull by the horns. My mom never gave me the talk. My daughter is 9 also (she's in 3rd grade - just turned 9) and now I'm paranoid. I didn't think 9 year olds needed the talk! I guess I am WAY behind.

Lynette said...

My Mom talk? Don't do it. The End.

Hail said...

Viagra improves erections for most men no matter how long they have had erectile dysfunction, taken approximately 30 minutes before your plan of sexual activity and works on stimulation for around 4 hours.

Sahara Thompson said...

Propecia grows hair in about 50% of men after one year and around 66% of men after two years. Overall, around 85% of men do not lose any more hair while using Propecia.