Pushing 50...

Micro grams that is....age wise I am still on just shy of that milestone.

Went to Dr. today. He is upping my Synthroid yet again. This time to 50 mcgs. Whatever that means. Had blood work done and according to that lab - I am at the lowest of the lab's range for T4 - whatever that means. What that does mean however, is that the stuff is working slowly but surely. So, the road ahead is just that. A road ahead. Long or otherwise.

My brother is having issues with his thyroid again. And my sister has nodules as well. What is up with that? Is there something in the water, or hormones we fed to our cattle or chickens, or something with cross cultivation of plants or pesticides or something that MAN has done to our food chain that would cause all of this? One has to wonder. Lately, there have been so many of my generation that is having problems with their thyroid - maybe technology has gotten the best of us in some weird way.

Not to be a fanatic- but go organic whenever you can. Maybe my children will benefit from sustainable farming techniqes and organic milk , protien and grains. Hubby and I make a concerted effort to do so - not that I'll freak out if they have high fructose corn syrup, or whole milk - but as a rule, we go organic when we can. It can't hurt, right? Wish I could get the kids of Skippy and Welch's Grape Jelly, though. But once you've had a taste...there's no going all natural there.

Anyway- what I do know is that I have more energy than I had just a week ago. My Dr. took one look at me and said "I see what you mean about the puffiness and weight gain" I look absolutely pregnant. And, unless my immaculate conception - that ain't the case. He also said that the strength of my voice may never come back. That is a wait and see. He said he may have damage the laryngeal nerve - but not sure. He said I am not an opera singer or a professional radio personality so it's not an issue. But when his kid is running across a parking lot and he can't yell for them to stop, or he can't cheer his child on at a soccer game - let's see if it's an issue for him. Hopefully, this will get better - but like everything else, this is part of the bumps in this road to recovery.

Only in My dreams

So I have an innate ability to remember my dreams...most of the time. This one is from Friday - Good Friday.

Now- there should be an aside to tell you a bit about this. For many years, our extended family used to jokingly call my father Jesus Christ. He is the only male first cousin of all the first cousins. His mother had many sisters and one brother each who had two children. Dad is the only male of those children.

*****
There was this really tiny airplane. It was like a 4 seater when you looked at it from the outside. But on the inside it was spacious and huge. With a patio and BBQ grill, lounge chairs, bar, palm trees - really weirdly huge and comfortable. So there we were on this tiny plane. My mom and dad, their oldest friends - the Horowitzes, my sister, and hubby. Two Barbie Doll flight attendants - and I mean real Barbie Dolls with tiny waists and molded features, and of course I was there.

Now as incredulous as this sounds (read: sarcasm) I couldn't fathom how this tiny plane could hold all these people and an outdoor pizza oven and comfy seating and fly. Hubby told me to chill and have a mojito and enjoy the ride. So I did. We were all having a great time talking about fun things from the past. Dad has scotch, mom her vodka - they were so happy hanging out and reminiscing. Hubby took his rightful spot at the BBQ grill then...

Loud noises, thunks and clunks, lights dimming...the Barbie's smoothly moved to the cockpit to make announcements. "Please take your seats, we're in for a bumpy ride". They started hurling things off the plane to lighten the load (don't ask me how they did that - it was a dream)

I started to freak - now I know you find that hard to believe...me? freak out about transportation? Naaahhh.

I started to say "Oh, my god- Oh my god! What is happening? We're going down" Oh my GOD!
And , to that - my dad sits up and says "What?" I say - "Jesus Christ..." and to that he says "I am not Jesus. I told you I was God."

Then light shot from his hands. His light touched my sister and I and he said it wasn't time yet.
Then I woke up.

********
This was the first time I have dreamt of dad since he passed away. I'd say this was a doozy first dream. This was a Good Friday. I am not going to read into this too much. I woke up feeling okay. I didn't feel disturbed or bothered by this. I even found it kind of funny. Later in the day, the kids and I saw a license plate that said "PA PEA" and that reminded me of the dream. I told the girls about it. Maybe this was a good thing. A type of healing acceptance that he is really gone. Who knows?

Only in My dreams.

Happy Spring!

I love Spring....Here in California - everything is green. There are wild flowers all over the place. I can plant in my garden. It rarely goes below 60 degrees or over 74 - perfect! My favorite time of year.

One of my favorite poems sums it up. except for the balloon guy - which sort of freaks me out. If I saw this guy at the park - whistling and wee-ing...I would take the kids the other direction.

read on


in Just-

spring when the world is mud- luscious

the little
lame balloonman
whistles far and wee

and eddieandbill come
running from marbles and
piracies

and it's
spring
when the world is puddle-wonderful

the queer
old balloonman whistles

far and wee
and bettyandisbel come dancing
from hop-scotch and jump-rope and

it's
spring
and the goat-footed
balloonMan whistles
far
and
wee

e.e. cummings

I am feeling a bit more energy,too. The Dr. upped my synthroid once again. I have had two good solid nights of sleep and although my muscles still feel kind of sloggy - I don't hit the wall at 1:00 p.m. and have finally (read: yeah!) done my 'bodily function" with ease and some regularity. I know, I know - Too Much Information. But hey, I figure you already know so much about my anatomy and the like...and at this point the only people who read this thing are people who I would be telling this to anyway - I thought I would save the hoarsey voiced conversation.
It is still quite a strain to talk - and at this point a bit of a concern. Could take months...somehow I manage to 'yell' at someone at some point during the day. The show must go on.

Happy Spring!!!